I know this season is starting to make us all weary, but here are some thoughts from last night's dates.
Chantal – I don’t mean to doubt the validity of the Chantal and Brad safari, but I would think a jeep driving within 5 feet of 8 sleeping lions would normally wake them all up and they would be ANGRY. I’m thinking the safari is about as wild as the deer in my neighborhood who walked up the steps and ate the geraniums off my front porch last year. Seriously – I’m pretty sure that safari took place at Busch Gardens.
Chantal and her cleavage show up for dinner. Brad tells us – that never in a million years has his heart been this open. Um, isn’t he 38? Not a million? He is so awkward it is painful to watch. Brad and Chantal get a 75 year old key to a room that doesn’t have doors. Also – their guide had a shotgun to walk the picnic down the hill, but they are sleeping on the plains with no doors or guns of their own??? Is that safe?
Emily – For Chantal’s sake, I really hope they didn’t have sex the night before because the goofy way he acts when he sees Emily is embarrassing. Off they go on an elephant and I have to say, when that elephant kneels down – I want to go to Africa and play with elephants too. Baby elephants are really really precious.
Brad saying he missed Emily’s daughter – um Bullshit!!! What the heck. He doesn’t know her. That was fake and if that was my child I would be pissed that someone was playing the kid card.
I do love Ellie Mae, but I’m so over it. I don’t feel like she’s totally genuine with Brad and frankly they seem so awkward that it’s not fun to watch. There is zero chemistry. Brad looks like a 16 year old whenever Em talks to him and it is not fun for anyone but Brad.
Ashley – UGH. I’m so exhausted. She shows up wearing some shorts with the pockets hanging out that she borrowed from Britney Spears. She freaks out when she sees the helicopter and Brad says – do you know how many times I’ve flown in a helicopter and nothing has happened. Um, yeah, we do because we have seen it about 6 times this season alone. He tells us this is Ashley’s number one fear. I guess that brings this season of “Bachelor Fear Factor” to a complete circle. I have some legitimate fears in my life – and having a guy that I’m competing for by my side would not make them go away; so I’m not sure I believe this is really Ashley’s biggest fear. She wasn’t scared – she was just making a scene. UGH.
Turns out Ashley is still in school – so probably shouldn’t be calling herself a dentist, right? Doesn’t that make her a STUDENT???
A commercial break for Dancing With the Stars new cast. How is that annoying Tom Bergeron still a host of the show? He’s more than a little obnoxious. Just saying…
Back to Ashley and their date. Ashley is so intent on being a career woman. Maybe I’m a hard ass – but I always thought being a dentist was kind of a cush job. Granted you have to go to school for a while, but my dentist’s office is open from 7:30 – 5 and closed from 11:30 – 1:15 for lunch every day. I mean really – that’s not hard! Tell that bitch to be a public accountant for 5 or 10 years. That’s a lifestyle that defines you. Being a dentist is an easy career all things being said. How often do people call in the middle of the night for an emergency teeth cleaning?!?!?!!
What do you think of the mosquito gnats? WHAT??? This girl is too much with the highs and lows.
Brad is getting ready for the rose ceremony. Reason I don’t like Brad that much # 4,581 – he doesn’t wear an undershirt. What guy wears a dress shirt without a Hanes Beefy T underneath? And then he rides a bus to the rose ceremony? Huh? Did the show run out of money?
Well, I finally got my goodbye car ride without the rain! Was it a coincidence that Ashley left and it was blue clear skies? I don’t think so. Ashley is a big neurotic mess and I wish her well and hope she finds someone… maybe after she finishes school.
For those of you who haven’t seen the creepy Virgin mobile stalker commercial – see the following link. CRAZY! http://mobilitydigest.com/virgin-mobile-funny-stalker-commercial/
Brad is so awkward at the rose ceremony – “you both look beautiful by the way”, “can I hug you both”. I thought we were about to break into an episode of “Sister Wives”.
Brad announces they are going to Cape Town and Chantal is excited. Judging by Ellie Mae’s face – I don’t think she’s ever heard of Cape Town.
Now to the outtakes - If I were Chantal and Brad made me eat the worm – I would probably leave. Who does that? If he won’t stop you from eating a worm – I don’t think you can trust him with your heart. Just my personal opinion.
Based on the previews, I’m a little worried they are playing up the opposite and that my bracket might be going down in flames, but luckily I will be on a cruise next week and get back just in time for the finale so I will try not to worry too much. I am more than excited about the reunion show though. The beauty of the reunion shows is that you actually forget about all these girls til they come back so you get to re-live the crazy. Can’t wait for that!
Hope you all have a great week. Any thoughts you have on this week’s episode?
KC
Monday, February 28, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
Bachelor Brad Week 8 - HomeTown HoDown
A few comments from Brad’s introspective time on the balcony of his New York suite:
“Waking up in New York I feel very excited. Also I’m thinking a lot.” Glad to know that you’ve started a new hobby Brad.
“I see a very real life with Chantal. In a lot of ways, I want Chantal O. to be my wife, but I have questions. I do think she’s emotional.” Please don’t use the last initial when referring to Chantal and Shawntel. It’s weird. Also – if you weren’t looking for an emotional girl – reality television is probably not your best dating pool.
“I’ve always been able to count on the relationship between Shawntel and I. No roller coaster, no games, no drama. It’s consistent.” All four weeks of it. Head slap.
First up – my girl Chantal in her hometown of Seattle. WHOA. She just fell a few notches when she said she lived alone with two cats and a dog. I’m a firm believer that the number of homo sapiens should equal or be greater than the number of other mammals living in a home. She just broke that rule to hell. Not to mention – I did not pick Chantal for a cat person (no offense cat people), but the cat laying on the kitchen counter in her dirty cat bed – I just threw up. Who puts a cat bed on a kitchen counter?!?!?! Bad Chantal.
When they pull up at her parents’ house, my first and only thought was – WOW, her parents are loaded. Either her mom is a midget or that’s a 20 foot high front door. Brad keeps staring at Chantal’s hot mom and I’m pretty sure his admiration of the future Chantal went up a few notches after that. After Mamma Chantal says she’s having a home cooked meal, Brad says he wants to hug her. Told ya…
Also – because I’m nosy, I googled and it turns out Chantal’s (step)dad is a former Seattle Seahawk’s player. That explains the abundance of cosmetic touch-ups on mom and dad. Either way – I want their wine cellar, especially the 4 bottles of Opus One sitting behind them when Brad and Dad hugged.
Next up – the rapidly annoying Ashley in Madawaska, Maine. Seriously Brad, 2 seconds after she finishes telling you it’s a French speaking town – you answer “Si”? And then ask if that's Spanish? Zut Alors!
I have to say – Ashley’s loud giggling and “energy” is somewhat annoying. Also – every road side stand in every part of the country has an honor system at some point. It’s really not that unusual, so simmer down Brad. So – off to meet her fam. Mon Dieu!!!! That is a seriously tatted up sister Ashley has. So much for small town values! Which small town value was that representative of? I love meth???
Her family seems so awesome and fun, but my gosh, they are a little exhausting.
Melisa Cook – I totally agree with you about the creepy stalker phone commercial. They keep showing it during the Bachelor. Coincidence? I don’t think so. It frightens me. Speaking of creepy – the advertisement for, and tour of, Shawntel’s funeral home. Me donne la chair de poule! Ooops, sorry, we’re in Cali now, not in Maine so no more French. It made my skin crawl!! I get that it’s her family business, but I would tell Shawntel what my grandfather told me as I was working toward my MBA to go into public accounting – “have you ever thought about being a teacher? That’s a good job for a woman.”
Brad is visibly freaked out. Understandably so. Why is he laying on the table??? Are you kidding me? They took that WAY too far.
Awkward times 20 when Shawntel told her family she was open to moving to Austin. Dad takes her to the bedroom to give her a talking to. Way to throw the guilt at her with the death of her high school teacher’s son – but “don’t feel bad about that.” Jeez! That was some terrible! Just wait a few minutes Dad. She’s probably not getting a rose after that prep table incident, so your succession plan is secure.
Off to Charlotte, NC and I just have to say – I’m not sure how this all works behind the scenes, but if they really had Emily see her daughter for the first time the same day that the daughter had to meet Brad, all in front of the cameras – that is NOT fair to anyone.
Oh my gosh – I want to live in Rickie’s room! How awesome was that! Brad and Emily’s date got weird quick. But Emily’s house is gorgeous!
Now for the recap and in the name of Alli K, it looks like the photographs are back for the remainder of the season. Brad takes a few moments to think it all over. Apparently in the orchid room. Where was he? There were like 28 orchids in there.
Off to the rose ceremony, and honestly, I like all these girls, except Ashley who is really starting to drive me nuts, but I think Brad is keeping her for the long haul. Emily is wearing my 10th grade prom dress in royal blue rather than teal and Ashley is wearing a sequined slip. And yes, first rose to Ashley. Big sigh. Emily next, followed by serious worry on my part, and then Chantal. Why does he always make her wait til last?!!?
Poor Shawntel. I feel so bad for her, I think we all loved her, but that profession, and knowing that your family would hate him for taking her away – it was all too much. Plus, I think Brad wants to have the biggest back tat in his family and your tramp stamp was too much competition.
Best line of the night by Brad “Do you have a minute?” Well, Brad, you just embarrassed her on national television – what else is she going to do. Her calendar is clear! And oh Brad – no matter how cold she was – she was NOT taking your jacket! And shame on you for copping a last feel of her legs after you dumped her!
In all seriousness – rain follows these people around or else the producers got a special on water hoses and just walk around using them. They have yet to go somewhere when it wasn’t raining at some point during the day. I grew up in Georgia, and it honest to goodness either droughts, or rains here every single day for at least five minutes between June 20 and August 31, but it’s too much for even me to believe. Every single limo ride is accented with rain. It makes me think of that scene in Pretty Woman with Roxette's "It Must Have Been Love" playing in the background. Enough with the rain!
I feel really sad for Shawntel on her goodbye trip, but if she is really thinking this set the bar for someone else to treat her this way, “how a woman should be treated…like a princess” um, I’m sorry. A ‘buy what you want’ spree at the Vegas version of Phipps Plaza followed by a trip to Costa Rica and Anguilla is not normal! That won’t happen again sweets :(
Next week looks awesome. But with the previews – it looks like he pulls Ashley away again for the “can I talk to you for second?” Good grief. Big fat yawn. I’m so over Ashley.
I want to hear what you ladies (and guys) think of this week’s episode!
KC
“Waking up in New York I feel very excited. Also I’m thinking a lot.” Glad to know that you’ve started a new hobby Brad.
“I see a very real life with Chantal. In a lot of ways, I want Chantal O. to be my wife, but I have questions. I do think she’s emotional.” Please don’t use the last initial when referring to Chantal and Shawntel. It’s weird. Also – if you weren’t looking for an emotional girl – reality television is probably not your best dating pool.
“I’ve always been able to count on the relationship between Shawntel and I. No roller coaster, no games, no drama. It’s consistent.” All four weeks of it. Head slap.
First up – my girl Chantal in her hometown of Seattle. WHOA. She just fell a few notches when she said she lived alone with two cats and a dog. I’m a firm believer that the number of homo sapiens should equal or be greater than the number of other mammals living in a home. She just broke that rule to hell. Not to mention – I did not pick Chantal for a cat person (no offense cat people), but the cat laying on the kitchen counter in her dirty cat bed – I just threw up. Who puts a cat bed on a kitchen counter?!?!?! Bad Chantal.
When they pull up at her parents’ house, my first and only thought was – WOW, her parents are loaded. Either her mom is a midget or that’s a 20 foot high front door. Brad keeps staring at Chantal’s hot mom and I’m pretty sure his admiration of the future Chantal went up a few notches after that. After Mamma Chantal says she’s having a home cooked meal, Brad says he wants to hug her. Told ya…
Also – because I’m nosy, I googled and it turns out Chantal’s (step)dad is a former Seattle Seahawk’s player. That explains the abundance of cosmetic touch-ups on mom and dad. Either way – I want their wine cellar, especially the 4 bottles of Opus One sitting behind them when Brad and Dad hugged.
Next up – the rapidly annoying Ashley in Madawaska, Maine. Seriously Brad, 2 seconds after she finishes telling you it’s a French speaking town – you answer “Si”? And then ask if that's Spanish? Zut Alors!
I have to say – Ashley’s loud giggling and “energy” is somewhat annoying. Also – every road side stand in every part of the country has an honor system at some point. It’s really not that unusual, so simmer down Brad. So – off to meet her fam. Mon Dieu!!!! That is a seriously tatted up sister Ashley has. So much for small town values! Which small town value was that representative of? I love meth???
Her family seems so awesome and fun, but my gosh, they are a little exhausting.
Melisa Cook – I totally agree with you about the creepy stalker phone commercial. They keep showing it during the Bachelor. Coincidence? I don’t think so. It frightens me. Speaking of creepy – the advertisement for, and tour of, Shawntel’s funeral home. Me donne la chair de poule! Ooops, sorry, we’re in Cali now, not in Maine so no more French. It made my skin crawl!! I get that it’s her family business, but I would tell Shawntel what my grandfather told me as I was working toward my MBA to go into public accounting – “have you ever thought about being a teacher? That’s a good job for a woman.”
Brad is visibly freaked out. Understandably so. Why is he laying on the table??? Are you kidding me? They took that WAY too far.
Awkward times 20 when Shawntel told her family she was open to moving to Austin. Dad takes her to the bedroom to give her a talking to. Way to throw the guilt at her with the death of her high school teacher’s son – but “don’t feel bad about that.” Jeez! That was some terrible! Just wait a few minutes Dad. She’s probably not getting a rose after that prep table incident, so your succession plan is secure.
Off to Charlotte, NC and I just have to say – I’m not sure how this all works behind the scenes, but if they really had Emily see her daughter for the first time the same day that the daughter had to meet Brad, all in front of the cameras – that is NOT fair to anyone.
Oh my gosh – I want to live in Rickie’s room! How awesome was that! Brad and Emily’s date got weird quick. But Emily’s house is gorgeous!
Now for the recap and in the name of Alli K, it looks like the photographs are back for the remainder of the season. Brad takes a few moments to think it all over. Apparently in the orchid room. Where was he? There were like 28 orchids in there.
Off to the rose ceremony, and honestly, I like all these girls, except Ashley who is really starting to drive me nuts, but I think Brad is keeping her for the long haul. Emily is wearing my 10th grade prom dress in royal blue rather than teal and Ashley is wearing a sequined slip. And yes, first rose to Ashley. Big sigh. Emily next, followed by serious worry on my part, and then Chantal. Why does he always make her wait til last?!!?
Poor Shawntel. I feel so bad for her, I think we all loved her, but that profession, and knowing that your family would hate him for taking her away – it was all too much. Plus, I think Brad wants to have the biggest back tat in his family and your tramp stamp was too much competition.
Best line of the night by Brad “Do you have a minute?” Well, Brad, you just embarrassed her on national television – what else is she going to do. Her calendar is clear! And oh Brad – no matter how cold she was – she was NOT taking your jacket! And shame on you for copping a last feel of her legs after you dumped her!
In all seriousness – rain follows these people around or else the producers got a special on water hoses and just walk around using them. They have yet to go somewhere when it wasn’t raining at some point during the day. I grew up in Georgia, and it honest to goodness either droughts, or rains here every single day for at least five minutes between June 20 and August 31, but it’s too much for even me to believe. Every single limo ride is accented with rain. It makes me think of that scene in Pretty Woman with Roxette's "It Must Have Been Love" playing in the background. Enough with the rain!
I feel really sad for Shawntel on her goodbye trip, but if she is really thinking this set the bar for someone else to treat her this way, “how a woman should be treated…like a princess” um, I’m sorry. A ‘buy what you want’ spree at the Vegas version of Phipps Plaza followed by a trip to Costa Rica and Anguilla is not normal! That won’t happen again sweets :(
Next week looks awesome. But with the previews – it looks like he pulls Ashley away again for the “can I talk to you for second?” Good grief. Big fat yawn. I’m so over Ashley.
I want to hear what you ladies (and guys) think of this week’s episode!
KC
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Bachelor Brad Week 7 - Antics in Anguilla
Ok – Alli K has lost interest in blogging presumably because she is so far behind in the standings. Hehe – just kidding Alli. I think work has gotten the best of her this week, so I’m taking the reins.
First we find out there are 3 one-on-ones and one group date with a rose. More to come on that later. First date card is handed to the ladies and – blow me over with a feather – it goes to Ms. Emily. I have to admit that the Brad / Emily romance is starting to bore me because he is so head over heels and scared of her and, frankly, I’m just not seeing it. Emily will be a Bachelorette within the next 18 months I’m guessing….
As the helicopter approaches, Ms. Emily shouts (well, shouting for Ms. Emily) Shut up! Brad, you do too much on our dates! (Because as we all know, Brad is really the mastermind behind these dates). Brad is so smitten that it’s a little uncomfortable to watch. It’s sorta like a 5th grader in love with his teacher and she’s trying to be nice. As the helicopter leaves, Brad says, “It’s just you and I kid.” Well, yeah, and the three helicopters circling the island and getting aerial shots, and the 12 – 15 camera guys standing there filming you. But, yeah, other than that – It’s just you and I kid.
The next few minutes are more than uncomfortable and I won’t bore you with the dialogue. They are both nice people, not right for each other.
Back at the resort, a new date card arrives, and I have to say – every time they put up Britt’s name and her profession as a “Food Writer” I just think she must be the worst food writer in the world. Has the girl ever had a full meal? She is so skinny that it’s painful to look at her. Eat a burger Britt!
Shawntel gets the date card and says oh my gosh – I was not expecting that at all. And Michelle says, “Yeah, neither were we”. Evil bitch!
Back to Emily and Brad – Brad is already planning to coach little Rickie’s soccer team, and Emily is still a little uncomfortable. These two just don’t have any chemistry. I’m sorry. Brad starts talking about hometown and Emily starts to make a deep sigh (which everyone from Brad to my dog picked up on) before Brad can even get the words out about meeting her daughter. Not good. The whole date goes downhill from there. Emily nails it on the head – “Why on earth would you think of proposing to someone when you haven’t met their daughter.” Um, exactly. I understand both sides, but this is getting awkward. Brad spills the beans and tells Emily not to stress because she is definitely getting a rose and that she can relax. Sadly, Brad doesn’t realize that getting a rose has never been a concern of Emily’s…
Shawntel’s one-on-one date – They go to a small town and ride bikes to a farmer’s market. Shawntel is “tripping out in my mind a little bit because this is like, my perfect date and he had no idea”. Hey Shawntel – remember filling out all those application forms and writing an essay about your perfect date and giving it to the producers???? Yeah, that’s probably how this came to be.
The date continues in the evening with Shawntel and Brad, and seems to be going well. I think I really like Shawntel – she does not need to be on this show. Way too normal. She needs to just get out of the funeral home and find her a good man who isn’t on an ABC reality show. Cheesiest line of the night – when Shawntel says, Chico is amazing, you’ll fall in love and Brad counters with “Maybe I already am.” And then follows that with an “OOOOOHH!” I was waiting for him to say BURN! Cheese fest.
More surprises – Bankie Banx – the most famous singer in the Caribbean. Okay, whatever. This may be the fakest of the fakest impromptu band party in the history of reality television. Brad and Shawntel go for a night swim in the ocean and Shawntel reveals the biggest tramp stamp I have ever seen. Holy crap!
A new date card! Poor Britt has lost a pound and half with worry and if she doesn’t get this card, will likely just float away. Thankfully Britt gets the card. Michelle breaks out the claws, “Brad and Britt are apparently setting sail on the sea of love. But I think there’s a good chance that their ship will go down.”
Britt is getting ready for her date – and putting on more make up than she’s worn on every other day of filming combined. Only to be followed with having to swim a half mile to the yacht. Hehehehe. Make up gone. Also – glad she was a swimmer. I would have asked the producers to run around the corner and find us a kayak or something because I would be exhausted by the time we got there. And poor Britt with those skinny little arms – it was all she could do to just doggy paddle her way to the ship.
Michelle’s inner (and let’s be honest, also outer) bitch is not to be quieted any longer, “Truly, you’re gonna use the yacht for Britt? Seems like a waste of a one on one to me.” “Britt and Brad. Although it sounds really cute…not only do I not see them getting married, I don’t even know if I see them friending each other on Facebook.” Michelle – you might want to put some concealer on that big zit between your eyebrows before you start being so evil.
Let’s take a moment to talk about Ashley’s hot pink sunglasses. Where did she get them? The skating rink in 1987??? Was there a claw machine at the airport and she had a few minutes to kill? Are those back in style and I missed it?
Cliff jumping – I have to give Britt credit – she totally acted like an adventure junkie until she got up there. Finally she hurls her little skeleton body into the water. Good for her. After doing that in Jamaica last year – I can say, it’s a lot scarier than it looks once you get up there (especially if you are a wuss like me and Britt).
Date card! Ashley, Chantal and Michelle. Michelle says – I really don’t want to go on a date with you guys. Yeah – judging by their faces Michelle – they don’t exactly want you there either. And with good reason.
Britt says she’s been in love a couple times already. At 25??? That’s not love Britt. That’s called dating. The date gets extremely awkward after that. Britt says – when you meet the right one you know – and after a 15 second pause, Brad says, uh, yeah. It goes swiftly downhill from there. Britt somehow grew an extra 2 feet of hair and found a negligee for her dinner. All I could think about was Daryl Hannah in Splash. I don’t know if this date needed more alcohol or what. But it was terrible. And poor Brad is trying to let her down easy and she keeps interrupting and seemingly has no clue he is breaking it off. Bless her heart. He is literally counting the seconds til she’s gone and he can take a big shot of tequila and forget the whole night. She won’t even let him break it off. She says we need to keep going and see if there’s something there. Stop Britt. He doesn’t want you. As evidenced by the way he put you on a dinghy and sent you back to shore. Awkward from start to finish. The girls yelling out when she arrived was kind of sad, because they are so excited to see her and then she starts packing.
Next comes the group date from hell. Seriously – maybe the worst date in Bachelor history. Chantal and Ashley address their insecurities, because let’s be honest – every girl is insecure about something related to her body. Well, except Michelle.
The photo shoot starts and I think the funniest thing was when Chantal took her top off and Brad all of a sudden got so embarrassed. “Uh, oh, it’s off.” But really – the girls were beautiful. Brad says he’s watching the other girls and it’s awkward and everyone was uncomfortable. But honestly it wasn’t until Michelle takes the floor. And then all hell broke loose. Michelle informs us that she’s not easily persuaded into taking her top off, but apparently soft core porn is not an issue. Cue the crickets.
Brad says he’s put himself in hot water here, um, you think??? Move on to the pool party and in an effort to calm everyone down – he’s giving them drinks made with anti-freeze. Seriously – what was that green crap they were drinking?
I won’t bore you all with the details of the next few minutes because we all saw it. The crazy was seeping out of Ashley from every pore. I did especially love when Brad took Michelle off for some alone time and they were on the balcony in front of Chantal and Ashley. It did creep me out though watching Michelle lick her lips seven times in thirty seconds. This isn’t Survivor bitch – get yourself some freakin’ chapstick!
Not sure why Brad picks Ashley for the rose. She was nuttier than a fruit cake. And shows it with her insecurity fest. Even Ashley herself says “I think I’ve ruined what Brad and I have”. And the next few minutes showed why. Good grief. Why did he give her the rose? She was nutso. And then jumping up, “BABE. You really scared me so bad.” Annoying. Chantal said it best, “I did not see that one coming.”
Brad has finally come to his senses and elects to skip the cocktail party. His mind is made up. In Allison Kessler’s honor – the photographs are back for a special guest appearance. One of my favorite Michelle lines ever, “I really wanted to talk to him. If I go home tonight I’m going to be f’ing pissed. The chemistry we have is so there. I wanted to pull him back in. I wanted him to come back to me.” She is a black widow spider.
Of course Ms. Emily gets the first rose. And after much drama – and I must say I do not appreciate that he keeps making Chantal wait til last – he gives Chantal a rose. Michelle’s exit was priceless. Brad asking if he could have her hand and her saying, “um, probably not.” Too funny. Michelle plays the victim right until the end and lays her precious little head down in the car seat.
I honestly think the best part of every episode is the outtakes at the end. I loved watching Chantal and Shawntel scaring Ashley. Too cute.
The previews for next week look awesome. I can’t wait! Let me know what you thought about the episode :)
First we find out there are 3 one-on-ones and one group date with a rose. More to come on that later. First date card is handed to the ladies and – blow me over with a feather – it goes to Ms. Emily. I have to admit that the Brad / Emily romance is starting to bore me because he is so head over heels and scared of her and, frankly, I’m just not seeing it. Emily will be a Bachelorette within the next 18 months I’m guessing….
As the helicopter approaches, Ms. Emily shouts (well, shouting for Ms. Emily) Shut up! Brad, you do too much on our dates! (Because as we all know, Brad is really the mastermind behind these dates). Brad is so smitten that it’s a little uncomfortable to watch. It’s sorta like a 5th grader in love with his teacher and she’s trying to be nice. As the helicopter leaves, Brad says, “It’s just you and I kid.” Well, yeah, and the three helicopters circling the island and getting aerial shots, and the 12 – 15 camera guys standing there filming you. But, yeah, other than that – It’s just you and I kid.
The next few minutes are more than uncomfortable and I won’t bore you with the dialogue. They are both nice people, not right for each other.
Back at the resort, a new date card arrives, and I have to say – every time they put up Britt’s name and her profession as a “Food Writer” I just think she must be the worst food writer in the world. Has the girl ever had a full meal? She is so skinny that it’s painful to look at her. Eat a burger Britt!
Shawntel gets the date card and says oh my gosh – I was not expecting that at all. And Michelle says, “Yeah, neither were we”. Evil bitch!
Back to Emily and Brad – Brad is already planning to coach little Rickie’s soccer team, and Emily is still a little uncomfortable. These two just don’t have any chemistry. I’m sorry. Brad starts talking about hometown and Emily starts to make a deep sigh (which everyone from Brad to my dog picked up on) before Brad can even get the words out about meeting her daughter. Not good. The whole date goes downhill from there. Emily nails it on the head – “Why on earth would you think of proposing to someone when you haven’t met their daughter.” Um, exactly. I understand both sides, but this is getting awkward. Brad spills the beans and tells Emily not to stress because she is definitely getting a rose and that she can relax. Sadly, Brad doesn’t realize that getting a rose has never been a concern of Emily’s…
Shawntel’s one-on-one date – They go to a small town and ride bikes to a farmer’s market. Shawntel is “tripping out in my mind a little bit because this is like, my perfect date and he had no idea”. Hey Shawntel – remember filling out all those application forms and writing an essay about your perfect date and giving it to the producers???? Yeah, that’s probably how this came to be.
The date continues in the evening with Shawntel and Brad, and seems to be going well. I think I really like Shawntel – she does not need to be on this show. Way too normal. She needs to just get out of the funeral home and find her a good man who isn’t on an ABC reality show. Cheesiest line of the night – when Shawntel says, Chico is amazing, you’ll fall in love and Brad counters with “Maybe I already am.” And then follows that with an “OOOOOHH!” I was waiting for him to say BURN! Cheese fest.
More surprises – Bankie Banx – the most famous singer in the Caribbean. Okay, whatever. This may be the fakest of the fakest impromptu band party in the history of reality television. Brad and Shawntel go for a night swim in the ocean and Shawntel reveals the biggest tramp stamp I have ever seen. Holy crap!
A new date card! Poor Britt has lost a pound and half with worry and if she doesn’t get this card, will likely just float away. Thankfully Britt gets the card. Michelle breaks out the claws, “Brad and Britt are apparently setting sail on the sea of love. But I think there’s a good chance that their ship will go down.”
Britt is getting ready for her date – and putting on more make up than she’s worn on every other day of filming combined. Only to be followed with having to swim a half mile to the yacht. Hehehehe. Make up gone. Also – glad she was a swimmer. I would have asked the producers to run around the corner and find us a kayak or something because I would be exhausted by the time we got there. And poor Britt with those skinny little arms – it was all she could do to just doggy paddle her way to the ship.
Michelle’s inner (and let’s be honest, also outer) bitch is not to be quieted any longer, “Truly, you’re gonna use the yacht for Britt? Seems like a waste of a one on one to me.” “Britt and Brad. Although it sounds really cute…not only do I not see them getting married, I don’t even know if I see them friending each other on Facebook.” Michelle – you might want to put some concealer on that big zit between your eyebrows before you start being so evil.
Let’s take a moment to talk about Ashley’s hot pink sunglasses. Where did she get them? The skating rink in 1987??? Was there a claw machine at the airport and she had a few minutes to kill? Are those back in style and I missed it?
Cliff jumping – I have to give Britt credit – she totally acted like an adventure junkie until she got up there. Finally she hurls her little skeleton body into the water. Good for her. After doing that in Jamaica last year – I can say, it’s a lot scarier than it looks once you get up there (especially if you are a wuss like me and Britt).
Date card! Ashley, Chantal and Michelle. Michelle says – I really don’t want to go on a date with you guys. Yeah – judging by their faces Michelle – they don’t exactly want you there either. And with good reason.
Britt says she’s been in love a couple times already. At 25??? That’s not love Britt. That’s called dating. The date gets extremely awkward after that. Britt says – when you meet the right one you know – and after a 15 second pause, Brad says, uh, yeah. It goes swiftly downhill from there. Britt somehow grew an extra 2 feet of hair and found a negligee for her dinner. All I could think about was Daryl Hannah in Splash. I don’t know if this date needed more alcohol or what. But it was terrible. And poor Brad is trying to let her down easy and she keeps interrupting and seemingly has no clue he is breaking it off. Bless her heart. He is literally counting the seconds til she’s gone and he can take a big shot of tequila and forget the whole night. She won’t even let him break it off. She says we need to keep going and see if there’s something there. Stop Britt. He doesn’t want you. As evidenced by the way he put you on a dinghy and sent you back to shore. Awkward from start to finish. The girls yelling out when she arrived was kind of sad, because they are so excited to see her and then she starts packing.
Next comes the group date from hell. Seriously – maybe the worst date in Bachelor history. Chantal and Ashley address their insecurities, because let’s be honest – every girl is insecure about something related to her body. Well, except Michelle.
The photo shoot starts and I think the funniest thing was when Chantal took her top off and Brad all of a sudden got so embarrassed. “Uh, oh, it’s off.” But really – the girls were beautiful. Brad says he’s watching the other girls and it’s awkward and everyone was uncomfortable. But honestly it wasn’t until Michelle takes the floor. And then all hell broke loose. Michelle informs us that she’s not easily persuaded into taking her top off, but apparently soft core porn is not an issue. Cue the crickets.
Brad says he’s put himself in hot water here, um, you think??? Move on to the pool party and in an effort to calm everyone down – he’s giving them drinks made with anti-freeze. Seriously – what was that green crap they were drinking?
I won’t bore you all with the details of the next few minutes because we all saw it. The crazy was seeping out of Ashley from every pore. I did especially love when Brad took Michelle off for some alone time and they were on the balcony in front of Chantal and Ashley. It did creep me out though watching Michelle lick her lips seven times in thirty seconds. This isn’t Survivor bitch – get yourself some freakin’ chapstick!
Not sure why Brad picks Ashley for the rose. She was nuttier than a fruit cake. And shows it with her insecurity fest. Even Ashley herself says “I think I’ve ruined what Brad and I have”. And the next few minutes showed why. Good grief. Why did he give her the rose? She was nutso. And then jumping up, “BABE. You really scared me so bad.” Annoying. Chantal said it best, “I did not see that one coming.”
Brad has finally come to his senses and elects to skip the cocktail party. His mind is made up. In Allison Kessler’s honor – the photographs are back for a special guest appearance. One of my favorite Michelle lines ever, “I really wanted to talk to him. If I go home tonight I’m going to be f’ing pissed. The chemistry we have is so there. I wanted to pull him back in. I wanted him to come back to me.” She is a black widow spider.
Of course Ms. Emily gets the first rose. And after much drama – and I must say I do not appreciate that he keeps making Chantal wait til last – he gives Chantal a rose. Michelle’s exit was priceless. Brad asking if he could have her hand and her saying, “um, probably not.” Too funny. Michelle plays the victim right until the end and lays her precious little head down in the car seat.
I honestly think the best part of every episode is the outtakes at the end. I loved watching Chantal and Shawntel scaring Ashley. Too cute.
The previews for next week look awesome. I can’t wait! Let me know what you thought about the episode :)
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Bachelor Brad Week 6 - Coasting in Costa Rica
I know it seems like I’m slacking, but I just can’t get these out fast enough! I watched this week’s episode last night, and I’m still shocked by how many of these girls appear to be refreshingly normal. I mean, what is wrong with Emily or Jackie? or Britt for that matter? (except that she doesn’t speak often) Anyway.....
Alli - Poor Alli was so stoked for her one on one date. I think she really wanted the alone time with him to recover from her glass shattering scream that she let out when she saw a beetle in the house. I can’t imagine that Brad’s dates are that close to the house and her shriek caused both him and Michelle to stop talking. That’s right, Michelle was caught off guard. Either the scream or the wine glass shattering. I only hear that sound when I let Melissa Lorimer use one of the good glasses over here. Then, Alli’s date begins. On miniature horses. I thought ABC had enough money to spring for some full sized mares, but whatever. Then, her “romantic” date involved spiders, bats and dark, damp caves. Forget the shopping spree, that’s my dream date! All topped off by an island bog dinner that was like watching paint dry. “What is this?” “It’s chicken.” How she saw herself going anywhere with Brad other than back to the airport is beyond me. Bye, Alli.
Emily - So, there’s only one thing I found wrong with Emily - her taste in bathing suits. It really looked like it was circa 1980, and to borrow Krysta’s comparison, the Ellie Mae ruffles were just too much. Tone down the southern, butterbean. And while I appreciate that she was swimming in the hot tub, that’s what God invented waterproof make-up for. Sorry, friend, but it wasn’t your best moment.
Chantal - The first part of their date was both Brad and Chantal talking about getting back to their own ways and what was lost - haven’t they only known each other for two weeks? I’ve lost keys for longer than that! Then the rain came back (just like on the first date.) They felt it was a sign. Um, you’re in a rainforest. I’m pretty sure it’s more likely to rain than not. If it had been Michelle on the date, I would have accused her of staging the rain to get into Brad’s room and his shirt. But, it was cute since it was Chantal. However, the overkill on the ‘I really like you’, ‘I want to be with you forever’, ‘I miss you when you’re not there’ was a little much. We got it, Chantal, you like him. You don’t get a prize for most times said in a 10 minute time period. Luckily she already had a rose before the final ceremony, because I think her dress could have put her out of the running. Is it me or is her taste really weird? Enough making fun because I really did think she was sweet when she told him she knew she loved him when she stopped worrying about how much time she got to see him and started worrying about how he was feeling in a situation. I smell a winner!!!!
Michelle - I can’t even do this in paragraph form because there’s too much. So, here are my bullets - please comment if you want to add anything!
- Michelle was driving the jeep? I would not have gotten in that car with a psycho behind the wheel.
- you think CHANTAL is egotistical and aggressive? mirror, much?
- JACKIE is dramatic by saying she’s scared of heights? do you suffer from short term memory loss?
- “if he can’t make a decision, I’ll be forced to take matters into my own hands” - um......it’s called the Bachelor, not Random Bachelorette Takes Over
- ‘Hola’ - showing up unannounced in the dark is really creepy - so is telling Brad to figure it out on your own when you have spent 2 weeks telling him what to do
- a rose?!?! seriously?!?!?!? Brad - were you in the same conversation that we watched? Give her your psychiatrist’s number and GET OUT!
PS - I haven’t mentioned this yet, but I really wanted to thank the producers for taking out the awkward ‘I’m going to look at picture of all my girls after the rose ceremony and talk about them before I hand out roses.’ :)
Alli - Poor Alli was so stoked for her one on one date. I think she really wanted the alone time with him to recover from her glass shattering scream that she let out when she saw a beetle in the house. I can’t imagine that Brad’s dates are that close to the house and her shriek caused both him and Michelle to stop talking. That’s right, Michelle was caught off guard. Either the scream or the wine glass shattering. I only hear that sound when I let Melissa Lorimer use one of the good glasses over here. Then, Alli’s date begins. On miniature horses. I thought ABC had enough money to spring for some full sized mares, but whatever. Then, her “romantic” date involved spiders, bats and dark, damp caves. Forget the shopping spree, that’s my dream date! All topped off by an island bog dinner that was like watching paint dry. “What is this?” “It’s chicken.” How she saw herself going anywhere with Brad other than back to the airport is beyond me. Bye, Alli.
Emily - So, there’s only one thing I found wrong with Emily - her taste in bathing suits. It really looked like it was circa 1980, and to borrow Krysta’s comparison, the Ellie Mae ruffles were just too much. Tone down the southern, butterbean. And while I appreciate that she was swimming in the hot tub, that’s what God invented waterproof make-up for. Sorry, friend, but it wasn’t your best moment.
Chantal - The first part of their date was both Brad and Chantal talking about getting back to their own ways and what was lost - haven’t they only known each other for two weeks? I’ve lost keys for longer than that! Then the rain came back (just like on the first date.) They felt it was a sign. Um, you’re in a rainforest. I’m pretty sure it’s more likely to rain than not. If it had been Michelle on the date, I would have accused her of staging the rain to get into Brad’s room and his shirt. But, it was cute since it was Chantal. However, the overkill on the ‘I really like you’, ‘I want to be with you forever’, ‘I miss you when you’re not there’ was a little much. We got it, Chantal, you like him. You don’t get a prize for most times said in a 10 minute time period. Luckily she already had a rose before the final ceremony, because I think her dress could have put her out of the running. Is it me or is her taste really weird? Enough making fun because I really did think she was sweet when she told him she knew she loved him when she stopped worrying about how much time she got to see him and started worrying about how he was feeling in a situation. I smell a winner!!!!
Michelle - I can’t even do this in paragraph form because there’s too much. So, here are my bullets - please comment if you want to add anything!
- Michelle was driving the jeep? I would not have gotten in that car with a psycho behind the wheel.
- you think CHANTAL is egotistical and aggressive? mirror, much?
- JACKIE is dramatic by saying she’s scared of heights? do you suffer from short term memory loss?
- “if he can’t make a decision, I’ll be forced to take matters into my own hands” - um......it’s called the Bachelor, not Random Bachelorette Takes Over
- ‘Hola’ - showing up unannounced in the dark is really creepy - so is telling Brad to figure it out on your own when you have spent 2 weeks telling him what to do
- a rose?!?! seriously?!?!?!? Brad - were you in the same conversation that we watched? Give her your psychiatrist’s number and GET OUT!
PS - I haven’t mentioned this yet, but I really wanted to thank the producers for taking out the awkward ‘I’m going to look at picture of all my girls after the rose ceremony and talk about them before I hand out roses.’ :)
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Bachelor Brad Week 5 - Viva Las Vegas
This week began with Chris Harrison telling all the ladies they will be leaving the mansion……..and going to Vegas! No, wait, the show actually began with an Chris' voiceover saying this was the most "controversial" season ever. Hmmm - I think Jason actually won that one with picking one girl on the show and six weeks later saying "Oops! Wrong girl." Wonder what lies ahead.
Back to mansion, the girls have one hour to pack their luggage and go. It appears the girls have been given flip cams to document their travel to Vegas. Now, it was fun to see them on the plane - impressed they're flying coach, not first class. Although I'm confident Brad was on a chartered jet. However, the best shot was of the luggage. Are you kidding me?!?!?!? I mean, there are a lot of girls, but that was a LOT of luggage! Poor Bachelor staffer.
Shawntel - For the first date, Brad delivers the note. He pulls out a date card, and the group collectively sighs. Brad recovered well saying "This could be a good thing!" For Shawntel, it was. Now, a lot of the dates the girls (and guys) have gone on over the seasons have been A-MAZING! But, this one takes the cake. A mall of high end stores and no credit card limit? No wonder Shawntel still likes you. My 2 year old goddaughter would fall in love with you if you did that with her at Toys R' Us. So, that means we know Shawntel is in it to win it now. But how does Brad feel eating raw tuna with an embalmer at the table? And she makes a point to say she's going to continue eating while she talks about putting chemicals in dead bodies? I mean, I know it's her job, but maybe put down the fork and knife while you explain to the man you want to be your husband that you clean out corpses. Still, she must have done something right. Rose 1.
Michelle - So, the second date is the group date which meant anyone not on the invite is on the 2 on 1 (where no one wants to be.) After everyone figures out it's Ashley and Ashley, tears ensue. Apparently it's like pitting the Olsen twins against each other. But our sensitive Michelle has just the right words, "I'm so glad this is happening. Maybe they'll both go home." I cannot believe she is a mother - her poor daughter. She's psyched about the race car date because, as she puts it, "I'm fun and hot." Fun to make fun of, maybe? But that's not enough crazy for one episode. Now, I'm guessing because it's ABC primitive, the producers did not allow her to wear leather and carry a whip at the rose ceremony. However, that didn't stop the dominatrix from coming out. What I don't understand is why Brad is falling under her spell. Is this why I'm still single? Because I don't whip guys into shape by demanding they don't speak and they tell them what to do with their lives? I truly think I'm capable of that. Really I do! Rose for Michelle.
Chantal - I think she made what could have been a crucial error this week. Honestly, even if Brad does pick her, I think she'll get bored with him fast. She seems to have too much personality and energy for Brad. I mean, I like the guy, but he is kind of dull, right? Anyone, she dropped the l-bomb. I do give him credit for not letting her breeze over the slip, but even I know you protect that word in dating as long as you can! It must have worked, though, because I thought for sure her outfit at the rose ceremony was her final nail in the coffin (reference to Shawntel in case you didn't pick that up.) :) I think she wrapped her breasts up like Hershey kisses and stuck some black netting on top, letting some of the "goods" hang out the top. Awful dress, awful. But….Rose.
Ashleys - Since they apparently function as one being, I'm going to reminisce about them as such. I did feel for both girls as they were going on their date; they do appear to genuinely be friends. And as Ellen pointed out to me, apparently they got matching tattoos while they were in the house……so, they're close. Their Cirque date seemed fun (no shopping spree, though) and Ashley H won out. Getting the rose also got her a shared dressing room with Brad. I mean, we're all grown-ups here, but being that it's kind of like their 3rd date, don't you think ABC could have sprung for two changing areas? And while the two of them were getting naked together, Ashley S was in a limo to the airport with "Are you Lonesome Tonight?" playing. Over the top cheesy, ABC. I get the Elvis tie-in and all, but too much. I really did feel bad for Ashley S. She is convinced something is wrong with her because no guy ever picks her. She was crying genuine, not alcohol induced, tears, and it was really sad. Chin up, Ashley S. Next you'll get to go on the Bachelor Pad and find your true soul mate!
Emily - Dude, this poor girl is such a trooper. There are no words of sarcasm here. Not only did she not immediately pull Brad aside and tell him the story and that she didn't want to participate, she had a smile on her face! Albeit, it was fake, but at least she was trying. And I love that she knows her story/life is a lot to handle, and she doesn't expect anyone to be able to. And she feels like she needs to explain she's usually a fun girl. How sweet. Watching her get in the car with tears streaming down her face, telling Brad she needs to do this, I started to tear up. Then her voiceover saying the first few laps were for Ricky and the last was for her? Forget about it! Still think you're going to break his heart, but I love ya! Rose Emily.
Back to mansion, the girls have one hour to pack their luggage and go. It appears the girls have been given flip cams to document their travel to Vegas. Now, it was fun to see them on the plane - impressed they're flying coach, not first class. Although I'm confident Brad was on a chartered jet. However, the best shot was of the luggage. Are you kidding me?!?!?!? I mean, there are a lot of girls, but that was a LOT of luggage! Poor Bachelor staffer.
Shawntel - For the first date, Brad delivers the note. He pulls out a date card, and the group collectively sighs. Brad recovered well saying "This could be a good thing!" For Shawntel, it was. Now, a lot of the dates the girls (and guys) have gone on over the seasons have been A-MAZING! But, this one takes the cake. A mall of high end stores and no credit card limit? No wonder Shawntel still likes you. My 2 year old goddaughter would fall in love with you if you did that with her at Toys R' Us. So, that means we know Shawntel is in it to win it now. But how does Brad feel eating raw tuna with an embalmer at the table? And she makes a point to say she's going to continue eating while she talks about putting chemicals in dead bodies? I mean, I know it's her job, but maybe put down the fork and knife while you explain to the man you want to be your husband that you clean out corpses. Still, she must have done something right. Rose 1.
Michelle - So, the second date is the group date which meant anyone not on the invite is on the 2 on 1 (where no one wants to be.) After everyone figures out it's Ashley and Ashley, tears ensue. Apparently it's like pitting the Olsen twins against each other. But our sensitive Michelle has just the right words, "I'm so glad this is happening. Maybe they'll both go home." I cannot believe she is a mother - her poor daughter. She's psyched about the race car date because, as she puts it, "I'm fun and hot." Fun to make fun of, maybe? But that's not enough crazy for one episode. Now, I'm guessing because it's ABC primitive, the producers did not allow her to wear leather and carry a whip at the rose ceremony. However, that didn't stop the dominatrix from coming out. What I don't understand is why Brad is falling under her spell. Is this why I'm still single? Because I don't whip guys into shape by demanding they don't speak and they tell them what to do with their lives? I truly think I'm capable of that. Really I do! Rose for Michelle.
Chantal - I think she made what could have been a crucial error this week. Honestly, even if Brad does pick her, I think she'll get bored with him fast. She seems to have too much personality and energy for Brad. I mean, I like the guy, but he is kind of dull, right? Anyone, she dropped the l-bomb. I do give him credit for not letting her breeze over the slip, but even I know you protect that word in dating as long as you can! It must have worked, though, because I thought for sure her outfit at the rose ceremony was her final nail in the coffin (reference to Shawntel in case you didn't pick that up.) :) I think she wrapped her breasts up like Hershey kisses and stuck some black netting on top, letting some of the "goods" hang out the top. Awful dress, awful. But….Rose.
Ashleys - Since they apparently function as one being, I'm going to reminisce about them as such. I did feel for both girls as they were going on their date; they do appear to genuinely be friends. And as Ellen pointed out to me, apparently they got matching tattoos while they were in the house……so, they're close. Their Cirque date seemed fun (no shopping spree, though) and Ashley H won out. Getting the rose also got her a shared dressing room with Brad. I mean, we're all grown-ups here, but being that it's kind of like their 3rd date, don't you think ABC could have sprung for two changing areas? And while the two of them were getting naked together, Ashley S was in a limo to the airport with "Are you Lonesome Tonight?" playing. Over the top cheesy, ABC. I get the Elvis tie-in and all, but too much. I really did feel bad for Ashley S. She is convinced something is wrong with her because no guy ever picks her. She was crying genuine, not alcohol induced, tears, and it was really sad. Chin up, Ashley S. Next you'll get to go on the Bachelor Pad and find your true soul mate!
Emily - Dude, this poor girl is such a trooper. There are no words of sarcasm here. Not only did she not immediately pull Brad aside and tell him the story and that she didn't want to participate, she had a smile on her face! Albeit, it was fake, but at least she was trying. And I love that she knows her story/life is a lot to handle, and she doesn't expect anyone to be able to. And she feels like she needs to explain she's usually a fun girl. How sweet. Watching her get in the car with tears streaming down her face, telling Brad she needs to do this, I started to tear up. Then her voiceover saying the first few laps were for Ricky and the last was for her? Forget about it! Still think you're going to break his heart, but I love ya! Rose Emily.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Bachelor Brad Week 4 - You want me to do what?!?!?
So, I'm back in the saddle again and ready to talk about the ladies. However, they did not give me much ammunition last night. Compared to weeks 2 and 3, week 4 was refreshingly normal. Except for the fact that it should have been called - "The Bachelor - Fear Factor Edition." I mean, I'm not a wuss, but walking on the bottom of the ocean and rappelling off a skyscraper? Who does that? I'm glad they saved the race track driving for next week so that the woman who's fiance died on the way to a race can participate. Seriously, producers? None of your 'staffers' could have made you aware of that bad decision? Anyway, back to this week....
Michelle - no, wait, I'm saving her for last. I like my crazy for dessert.
Chantal - my biggest regret this season is that I did not pick up on how awesome she is in the first episode. She seems like a down to earth girl - very Alli like. Not me, Alli, Bachlorette Alli. Having never been in a helicopter, I was only more jealous that one has never landed in my driveway. Especially right in front of all my competition that had to link arms to keep from being blow away. Talk about feeling like Cinderella with ugly stepsisters. She was a trooper with walking on the ocean floor - I love the water, but that would have had me terrified. While the astronaut style kiss was a little lame, I think it stayed on the cute side. :) Watching the two of them together, they're very natural. And I won't even give her flack for crying about him brining Emily the picnic basket. That was a bit over the top and individual for a rose ceremony. Plus, she didn't cry in front of him. Kudos to you Chantal. Ashley H, take notes. It's called self-control. On top of all that, she hates Michelle! Chantal, you're alright in my book.
Ashley H - she has a new name - DD. Nope, not speaking of her bust size; Debbie Downer. This girl has a knack for taking everyone in the group down a couple pegs just when you're about to have a good time. Shots in a hot tub? Nope, not fun at all. About to get a rose from Brad? According to Ashley, that's awkward. Nice work, DD, random Britt got the rose instead. While you are playing the damsel in distress role to a T for Brad, I think he'll burn out on you quickly. But, maybe this is my fault. I mean, how many dentists do you know with a positive outlook on life?
Emily - I can't say anything bad about this girl. She is so sugary sweet that you want to think it's fake, but I think it's legitimate. I mean, she left presents everyday for her daughter while she was gone. How thoughtful is that? (and, how hysterical is it that her daughter told her it was okay if she wanted to stay longer so she could get more presents? :) Brad is clearly head over heels (as demonstrated by the picnic basket) for Emily, but I'm not sure about her feelings towards him. I can't recall who made the comment "do you think he has a ring in that basket?" but I think Brad debated including one. Brad wants her there for the long haul, but if the previews are any indication, I think we're in countdown mode until she breaks his heart.
Michelle - okay, I saved the best (?) for last. While Michelle may be entertaining, I'm on my last legs with her. Her level of delusion and the fact she could not be more self-centered are wearing thin for me. For any of you Real Housewives of Beverly Hills fans, Michelle is the blond Camille. Where to start, where to start. Okay, let's go with the random black eye. Now, I'm not a doctor, but that's unusual. What makes it psycho is to continue harping on it, claiming you beat yourself up in your sleep because of stress (WHAT?!?!?) and pointing it out to Brad in a pissed off tone. He didn't do anything. Although she did claim she would give him a black eye if he didn't give her the one on one date. Ashley S made the comment I would have - "I wish I had given Michelle that black eye." When Chantal pointed out to Michelle that her card was the only one that didn't say LOVE on it somewhere, I laughed out loud at the face Michelle made. "What does this mean?!?!" Nothing you wackadoodle - it's your third date, and do you really think Brad is writing the cards? Really? Then while Michelle was complaining about the time Brad was spending with Ashley H on her day, Chantal was nice enough to point out that Michelle had done the same thing on the first group date. I love watching a debate where you can see the moment that the loser knows they're done. It's normally followed by a "whatever." Best to yank your man across the room and leave, Michelle. After the slowest rappel EVER down the building, Michelle and Brad had some romantic time. Moving forward.....Michelle gets back in front of the camera. (I keep wanting to call this time the confessional (a la Real World)). She drops the hammer in the confessional. BOOM. Very classy, Michelle, very classy. Disappointingly, I have her moving forward pretty far, but I don't think I can take it. Please kick her off, Brad, please.
Meghan - Now, I don't know much about Meghan, but I think she's really Alice in Wonderland. She RAN out of the rose ceremony like she was late, late for a very important date. Wonder where she was headed. Back to reality?
Michelle - no, wait, I'm saving her for last. I like my crazy for dessert.
Chantal - my biggest regret this season is that I did not pick up on how awesome she is in the first episode. She seems like a down to earth girl - very Alli like. Not me, Alli, Bachlorette Alli. Having never been in a helicopter, I was only more jealous that one has never landed in my driveway. Especially right in front of all my competition that had to link arms to keep from being blow away. Talk about feeling like Cinderella with ugly stepsisters. She was a trooper with walking on the ocean floor - I love the water, but that would have had me terrified. While the astronaut style kiss was a little lame, I think it stayed on the cute side. :) Watching the two of them together, they're very natural. And I won't even give her flack for crying about him brining Emily the picnic basket. That was a bit over the top and individual for a rose ceremony. Plus, she didn't cry in front of him. Kudos to you Chantal. Ashley H, take notes. It's called self-control. On top of all that, she hates Michelle! Chantal, you're alright in my book.
Ashley H - she has a new name - DD. Nope, not speaking of her bust size; Debbie Downer. This girl has a knack for taking everyone in the group down a couple pegs just when you're about to have a good time. Shots in a hot tub? Nope, not fun at all. About to get a rose from Brad? According to Ashley, that's awkward. Nice work, DD, random Britt got the rose instead. While you are playing the damsel in distress role to a T for Brad, I think he'll burn out on you quickly. But, maybe this is my fault. I mean, how many dentists do you know with a positive outlook on life?
Emily - I can't say anything bad about this girl. She is so sugary sweet that you want to think it's fake, but I think it's legitimate. I mean, she left presents everyday for her daughter while she was gone. How thoughtful is that? (and, how hysterical is it that her daughter told her it was okay if she wanted to stay longer so she could get more presents? :) Brad is clearly head over heels (as demonstrated by the picnic basket) for Emily, but I'm not sure about her feelings towards him. I can't recall who made the comment "do you think he has a ring in that basket?" but I think Brad debated including one. Brad wants her there for the long haul, but if the previews are any indication, I think we're in countdown mode until she breaks his heart.
Michelle - okay, I saved the best (?) for last. While Michelle may be entertaining, I'm on my last legs with her. Her level of delusion and the fact she could not be more self-centered are wearing thin for me. For any of you Real Housewives of Beverly Hills fans, Michelle is the blond Camille. Where to start, where to start. Okay, let's go with the random black eye. Now, I'm not a doctor, but that's unusual. What makes it psycho is to continue harping on it, claiming you beat yourself up in your sleep because of stress (WHAT?!?!?) and pointing it out to Brad in a pissed off tone. He didn't do anything. Although she did claim she would give him a black eye if he didn't give her the one on one date. Ashley S made the comment I would have - "I wish I had given Michelle that black eye." When Chantal pointed out to Michelle that her card was the only one that didn't say LOVE on it somewhere, I laughed out loud at the face Michelle made. "What does this mean?!?!" Nothing you wackadoodle - it's your third date, and do you really think Brad is writing the cards? Really? Then while Michelle was complaining about the time Brad was spending with Ashley H on her day, Chantal was nice enough to point out that Michelle had done the same thing on the first group date. I love watching a debate where you can see the moment that the loser knows they're done. It's normally followed by a "whatever." Best to yank your man across the room and leave, Michelle. After the slowest rappel EVER down the building, Michelle and Brad had some romantic time. Moving forward.....Michelle gets back in front of the camera. (I keep wanting to call this time the confessional (a la Real World)). She drops the hammer in the confessional. BOOM. Very classy, Michelle, very classy. Disappointingly, I have her moving forward pretty far, but I don't think I can take it. Please kick her off, Brad, please.
Meghan - Now, I don't know much about Meghan, but I think she's really Alice in Wonderland. She RAN out of the rose ceremony like she was late, late for a very important date. Wonder where she was headed. Back to reality?
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Bachelor Brad / Take 2: Week 3 - Daddy Issues
First of all – I must apologize to Emily. Last week, I was convinced she was the love child of Dolly Parton and Tammy Wynette. This week, I figured it out. She is Ellie Mae Clampett. I love her, but she is. And you know it, so don’t be mad at me for saying it.
Quote of the night belongs to Michelle – “In the end – it will just be me and Brad in Tahiti – practicing making babies”
We start off with a one-on-one date with Ashley S who has a close second for quote of the night – “I know my accent is, like, really charming; but my singing voice is not”. Um, like, what??? The only person who thinks her accent is “like, really charming” is the casting agent from “Coal Miner’s Daughter”. Unfortunately, there isn’t a remake in 2011, so Sissy Spacek’s classic performance is more than safe.
Quote of the night from Brad “I picked the perfect girl for this” what you didn’t hear from him was his quote saying, “because she’s the only one that sings worse than me”. Wow. I can’t remember the last time I wished my satellite would quit working. Finally, we get to hear Seal belt out his greatest hit and the romance starts. Then Seal starts singing another one of his “hits”. Too bad the only song any of them have heard of was “Kiss from a Rose” so a little heavy petting commences. A little tip to Ashley S – save the thigh hold for at least the second date. On second thought, I guess considering you grabbed his butt on the introduction – you are probably up to the thigh hold already.
After that we move to a romantic location / aka we’ve had more wine – so Ashley S starts with the deep download on her daddy issues. Brad has no choice but to give her a rose.
Camera right to the recording studio and the action film. Michelle wants the ninjas to kidnap and murder the other girls in the desert. Nice.
Later, at the mansion – Ashley S has lost all her bathing suit cover ups and is sitting around in her bikini when Emily gets notice of a one-on-one date! Oh me, exclaims Ellie Mae. I hope Brad doesn’t run for the hills.
Back to the filming at the studio - Brad may be the worst actor in history. Shawntel, on the other hand, has the ability to kick your ass and then embalm you and make you pretty for your relatives afterwards. Yeah, Michelle – you’re right – Brad looked like he hated being kissed by Shawntel…
Back at the hotel, let’s jump in the pool! Brad pops the cork on a bottle of champagne that magically fills 10 glasses. First one-on-one time is with Chantal and also coincides with the release of the first tears of the evening. Surely, not the last. The big reveal - more Daddy issues! Are you kidding me? Luckily Brad developed a PhD in counseling in the last three years from his own Daddy issues, so I hope these girls are giving him a $30 dollar co-pay at least. I don’t mean to doubt the legitimacy of the girls’ tears, but normally after I tell my darkest secret, I don’t feel like striking a sexy pose and making out. Maybe that’s why I’m single…
Back at the mansion: Jackie – you just went up in my view with your declaration – “Ah, another red wine night”. Been there, done that…
Emily / Ellie Mae – you give Southern girls a good name. You’re beautiful and strong as battery acid. Love you.
Back to the pool – Alli, who I had forgotten was even there, steals Brad away; however, little does she know that evil is lurking. Michelle shows up. Michelle is 100%, no holds barred, bat-shit crazy. When she walked into the pool house, I was thinking Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction. There are more than one bunny skeletons in that bitches’ closet! “Why don’t I ever get one-on-one time?” Um, maybe you should refer to last week’s episode where you manipulated not 1, but 2 one-on-ones. Brad – wake up – 2 weeks, 2 crying sessions. Send the bitch home!
Shawntel gets the rose! Woohoo! Anyone other than Michelle makes me happy!
Next morning – it looks like 10pm Friday night at the Sorority House and the last pretty girl is going out while all the ugly girls are watching movies, being jealous and eating pizza and raw cookie dough. Seriously ladies – you know Brad is coming over, at least put on a smile and wash the sleep out of your eyes!
I really appreciate how Brad keeps saying he has XYZ planned. Who does he think believes that? We’ve seen the show for 15 seasons – he has no say in anything. He “chose” Wine Country? Because he’s loaded and has a private plane? I think not Brad.
Madison – you’re more sensitive than I gave you credit for – you’re shedding tears over Ellie Mae’s story and her involved heart. I grew up on a farm – my dad has some big files that we use on horses’ hooves and we can help you with those teeth. You’re not a bad girl. I’m sorry for judging you so quickly.
Ellie Mae – spit it out. Stop stalling. When they walked in the barn with the candles on the ground – all I could think was – THE BARN IS GOING TO BURN DOWN. Don’t the producers realize that hay is DRIED grass??!?!?!?
Product placement number 1 – this date was sponsored by Cambria Vineyards. And finally – it’s coming out. I have to stop to get a tissue. If you’re not rooting for Ellie Mae – your heart is dead. I think Brad seriously has a thing for Emily – but even if he didn’t – he HAS to give the rose after that. (BTW - I’m still convinced Ellie Mae is the one that breaks his heart at the end!)
I’m not going to lie – when his therapist showed up – I snorted out loud. I don’t think therapy is supposed to be a made-for-tv moment. Also – I think a therapist isn’t supposed to give you advice and tell you what to do. He was bossy. Not a fan of “Jamie the LA therapist”.
Michelle feels confident. Wow – blow me over with a feather. Chantal (my number one) cracks a joke and everyone relaxes. Michelle makes a face with her beady eyes effectively putting a hex on everyone present. Seriously – the bitch is scary!
Alli tries to reel Brad in by sharing a sad Daddy story, but sadly, for her, since she didn’t shed tears, Brad didn’t fall for it and Michelle tries to steal him away again. Sorry Alli. You can’t win Brad by smiling when you share your dark secrets. He’s not looking for completely stable and well adjusted.
Chantal gets a moment with Brad and Glenn Close shows up again. Are you f’n kidding! Per Michelle – “you and I are in our first fight”. PA-SIKE-O. She obviously hasn’t seen this show before and has no idea how this show works. Sharing and fighting for and over the lone opposite sex person is how it works.
A few uneventful one-on-ones. And then – I’m starting to feel sorry for Madison again and wanting to call my dad to help her with those teeth. And then she pops them out. Now I’m freaked again. I’ve put a lot of things by my wine glass over the years, and I’ve put my wine glass by a lot of things, but my fangs – not so much! Yikes!
I got a chuckle watching the last one-on-one with Ashley H. She has figured Brad out and learned that she just needs to be a little tiny bit insecure and he will fold like a cheap tent. Good play Hermey the Dentist Elf.
Time for the rose ceremony and everyone is nervous – except crazy-ass Michelle. So loving Madison right now.
Michelle gets the first rose. Vomit. Chantal O – my girl - woo hoo. Madison shakes her head no and then broke down and kept the fangs out; definitely left things opening up to be a Bachelorette some day, sans fangs. She really turned out to be a much more interesting and sensitive girl than I gave her credit for. Brad wasted no time picking up his bourbon and getting back to the rose ceremony where Emily, Ashley S. and Jackie were holding their roses up like lighters at a Whitesnake concert. Kudos to the girls who kept giant smiles off their faces when he announced Madison was going home.
Of the leftovers I haven’t commented on – I don’t love Lindsey. When Brad called her name - “Excuse me, I need to get down there.” Really – you think they didn’t know that?? Take your fake red hair back to your Texas classroom. Dislike.
When the dust cleared – Kimberly – who I liked because she reminded me of Meghan from Rock of Love (lost on 99.9% of you) – Sarah P. – no reason to dislike - and Madison – who seriously grew on me – are gone. Next week looks like a knock down between Chantal and Michelle. My money and my bracket are on Chantal!!
If you haven’t paid Allison your money – make sure it’s on your to-do list.
So looking forward to next week!!
KC
Quote of the night belongs to Michelle – “In the end – it will just be me and Brad in Tahiti – practicing making babies”
We start off with a one-on-one date with Ashley S who has a close second for quote of the night – “I know my accent is, like, really charming; but my singing voice is not”. Um, like, what??? The only person who thinks her accent is “like, really charming” is the casting agent from “Coal Miner’s Daughter”. Unfortunately, there isn’t a remake in 2011, so Sissy Spacek’s classic performance is more than safe.
Quote of the night from Brad “I picked the perfect girl for this” what you didn’t hear from him was his quote saying, “because she’s the only one that sings worse than me”. Wow. I can’t remember the last time I wished my satellite would quit working. Finally, we get to hear Seal belt out his greatest hit and the romance starts. Then Seal starts singing another one of his “hits”. Too bad the only song any of them have heard of was “Kiss from a Rose” so a little heavy petting commences. A little tip to Ashley S – save the thigh hold for at least the second date. On second thought, I guess considering you grabbed his butt on the introduction – you are probably up to the thigh hold already.
After that we move to a romantic location / aka we’ve had more wine – so Ashley S starts with the deep download on her daddy issues. Brad has no choice but to give her a rose.
Camera right to the recording studio and the action film. Michelle wants the ninjas to kidnap and murder the other girls in the desert. Nice.
Later, at the mansion – Ashley S has lost all her bathing suit cover ups and is sitting around in her bikini when Emily gets notice of a one-on-one date! Oh me, exclaims Ellie Mae. I hope Brad doesn’t run for the hills.
Back to the filming at the studio - Brad may be the worst actor in history. Shawntel, on the other hand, has the ability to kick your ass and then embalm you and make you pretty for your relatives afterwards. Yeah, Michelle – you’re right – Brad looked like he hated being kissed by Shawntel…
Back at the hotel, let’s jump in the pool! Brad pops the cork on a bottle of champagne that magically fills 10 glasses. First one-on-one time is with Chantal and also coincides with the release of the first tears of the evening. Surely, not the last. The big reveal - more Daddy issues! Are you kidding me? Luckily Brad developed a PhD in counseling in the last three years from his own Daddy issues, so I hope these girls are giving him a $30 dollar co-pay at least. I don’t mean to doubt the legitimacy of the girls’ tears, but normally after I tell my darkest secret, I don’t feel like striking a sexy pose and making out. Maybe that’s why I’m single…
Back at the mansion: Jackie – you just went up in my view with your declaration – “Ah, another red wine night”. Been there, done that…
Emily / Ellie Mae – you give Southern girls a good name. You’re beautiful and strong as battery acid. Love you.
Back to the pool – Alli, who I had forgotten was even there, steals Brad away; however, little does she know that evil is lurking. Michelle shows up. Michelle is 100%, no holds barred, bat-shit crazy. When she walked into the pool house, I was thinking Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction. There are more than one bunny skeletons in that bitches’ closet! “Why don’t I ever get one-on-one time?” Um, maybe you should refer to last week’s episode where you manipulated not 1, but 2 one-on-ones. Brad – wake up – 2 weeks, 2 crying sessions. Send the bitch home!
Shawntel gets the rose! Woohoo! Anyone other than Michelle makes me happy!
Next morning – it looks like 10pm Friday night at the Sorority House and the last pretty girl is going out while all the ugly girls are watching movies, being jealous and eating pizza and raw cookie dough. Seriously ladies – you know Brad is coming over, at least put on a smile and wash the sleep out of your eyes!
I really appreciate how Brad keeps saying he has XYZ planned. Who does he think believes that? We’ve seen the show for 15 seasons – he has no say in anything. He “chose” Wine Country? Because he’s loaded and has a private plane? I think not Brad.
Madison – you’re more sensitive than I gave you credit for – you’re shedding tears over Ellie Mae’s story and her involved heart. I grew up on a farm – my dad has some big files that we use on horses’ hooves and we can help you with those teeth. You’re not a bad girl. I’m sorry for judging you so quickly.
Ellie Mae – spit it out. Stop stalling. When they walked in the barn with the candles on the ground – all I could think was – THE BARN IS GOING TO BURN DOWN. Don’t the producers realize that hay is DRIED grass??!?!?!?
Product placement number 1 – this date was sponsored by Cambria Vineyards. And finally – it’s coming out. I have to stop to get a tissue. If you’re not rooting for Ellie Mae – your heart is dead. I think Brad seriously has a thing for Emily – but even if he didn’t – he HAS to give the rose after that. (BTW - I’m still convinced Ellie Mae is the one that breaks his heart at the end!)
I’m not going to lie – when his therapist showed up – I snorted out loud. I don’t think therapy is supposed to be a made-for-tv moment. Also – I think a therapist isn’t supposed to give you advice and tell you what to do. He was bossy. Not a fan of “Jamie the LA therapist”.
Michelle feels confident. Wow – blow me over with a feather. Chantal (my number one) cracks a joke and everyone relaxes. Michelle makes a face with her beady eyes effectively putting a hex on everyone present. Seriously – the bitch is scary!
Alli tries to reel Brad in by sharing a sad Daddy story, but sadly, for her, since she didn’t shed tears, Brad didn’t fall for it and Michelle tries to steal him away again. Sorry Alli. You can’t win Brad by smiling when you share your dark secrets. He’s not looking for completely stable and well adjusted.
Chantal gets a moment with Brad and Glenn Close shows up again. Are you f’n kidding! Per Michelle – “you and I are in our first fight”. PA-SIKE-O. She obviously hasn’t seen this show before and has no idea how this show works. Sharing and fighting for and over the lone opposite sex person is how it works.
A few uneventful one-on-ones. And then – I’m starting to feel sorry for Madison again and wanting to call my dad to help her with those teeth. And then she pops them out. Now I’m freaked again. I’ve put a lot of things by my wine glass over the years, and I’ve put my wine glass by a lot of things, but my fangs – not so much! Yikes!
I got a chuckle watching the last one-on-one with Ashley H. She has figured Brad out and learned that she just needs to be a little tiny bit insecure and he will fold like a cheap tent. Good play Hermey the Dentist Elf.
Time for the rose ceremony and everyone is nervous – except crazy-ass Michelle. So loving Madison right now.
Michelle gets the first rose. Vomit. Chantal O – my girl - woo hoo. Madison shakes her head no and then broke down and kept the fangs out; definitely left things opening up to be a Bachelorette some day, sans fangs. She really turned out to be a much more interesting and sensitive girl than I gave her credit for. Brad wasted no time picking up his bourbon and getting back to the rose ceremony where Emily, Ashley S. and Jackie were holding their roses up like lighters at a Whitesnake concert. Kudos to the girls who kept giant smiles off their faces when he announced Madison was going home.
Of the leftovers I haven’t commented on – I don’t love Lindsey. When Brad called her name - “Excuse me, I need to get down there.” Really – you think they didn’t know that?? Take your fake red hair back to your Texas classroom. Dislike.
When the dust cleared – Kimberly – who I liked because she reminded me of Meghan from Rock of Love (lost on 99.9% of you) – Sarah P. – no reason to dislike - and Madison – who seriously grew on me – are gone. Next week looks like a knock down between Chantal and Michelle. My money and my bracket are on Chantal!!
If you haven’t paid Allison your money – make sure it’s on your to-do list.
So looking forward to next week!!
KC
Monday, January 17, 2011
Bachelor Brad / Take 2: Week 2 - Let the Drama Begin!
Well, you know you’re a big time blogger when you need a guest blogger and our own Allison has hit that status! So for weeks 2 and 3 I will be filling in for DJ Alli K who has been taking some family time. I realize I don’t hold a candle to Allison’s wit, so please don’t judge me too harshly!
With that said – I am going off memory for Week 2, so forgive any errors in the order of which things occurred, but a few things should be discussed:
We opened up with Ashley H. aka the Dancing Dentist getting the first solo date card. Is it just me or is it a coincidence that Ashley H. resembles Hermey the Dentist Elf from Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer?? I keep waiting for her to burst into song “Why am I such a misfit? I am not just a nitwit. You can't fire me, I quit. Seems I don't fit in...” Anyway, her and Brad flit around the carnival and after the obligatory shots of cuteness, they sit down and share their stories of deadbeat dads and bond. She gets a rose and they make out.
Back at the ranch, we learn there will be a 15 girl date and the claws come out! I don’t know if you guys caught this during the episode, but it was Michelle’s birthday. Her 30th birthday. And she wanted it to be special. It was her birthday. She turned 30. She just wanted to feel special. It was her birthday. That day was her birthday. It was her 30th birthday. The day they shot the PSA’s was her birthday. Sheesh. I’ve been around 5 year olds who didn’t talk about their birthday that much! The drama of the day unfolded with the ladies whining over the parts they had to play (although in Keltie’s defense, that get-up was awful! But I feel like she could have caught Brad’s eye if she took it in stride and laughed about it.) After convincing us she came to the show straight from a life spent at a nunnery, Britt shocked everyone by confusing the American Red Cross with the American Porn Association. Honest mistake.
Since it was Michelle’s birthday (not sure if you guys caught that) she was unhappy that everyone was focused on Britt and since it was her birthday, even if it wasn’t her party, she decided she could cry if she wanted to. Filming came to a halt and Brad consoled her with his first of many declarations that we would have a drama free day. Good luck with that one Brad!
Madison – you frighten me. I can’t decide if I want you to stay and be outrageous or get off the show and quit giving me nightmares!
The day of the filming was Michelle’s birthday. To reward her for her psychosis – Brad gives her a rose and she pretty much became the enemy of every girl there when she started waving the rose around in their faces.
Jackie gets the next one-on-one date and while I like Jackie, something about her bothers me. Can’t put my finger on it. Anyway, she gets the princess treatment and Brad keeps telling her she deserves it. I guess I’m cynical because I kept wondering how does Brad know that she deserves to be treated like a princess when he doesn’t even know her last name. Whatevs! They have an amazing date and get to talking and she reveals that she has only dated 2 people, and was single during college. Brad freaks out and thinks she’s a commitment-phobe. Personally – I figured maybe she was just a slut during college, but she chose not to alert Brad if that was the case. Guess it was best she didn’t tell him that since she got a rose.
Later, during the cocktail party – since it was just her birthday and she figured out how easy it was to manipulate Brad, Michelle steals him away to ask him what his favorite place to get coffee is. Seriously. She’s a nut job who can’t handle not being the center of attention. I’m pretty sure that is obvious to everyone but Brad at this point.
Meanwhile – Raichel and Melissa are fighting. About something. That no one seems to understand. Thankfully everyone’s favorite couple Ali and Roberto stop by and in a surprising act of restraint - in that neither of them were dry-humping the other – interview all the ladies. Luckily, Raichel and Melissa are too stupid to keep their mouths shut and they feel the need to discuss their fight with everyone that will listen and they both get sent home that evening. Melissa – I’m no beauty queen, but someone needs to alert you to sunscreen and moisturizer because you aren’t aging so well sweetie. The phrase ‘rode hard and put up wet’ is all I can think when I look at you.
Emily (who I can’t look at without thinking that Dolly Parton and Tammy Wynette got together and did her hair and make-up) came out as the sweetheart of week 2. She got the last pre-ceremony rose.
Along with Raichel and Melissa, Keltie took her two-toned hair and high-kicked it back to Radio City Music Hall.
Can't wait to see what Week 3 brings!!
Krysta
With that said – I am going off memory for Week 2, so forgive any errors in the order of which things occurred, but a few things should be discussed:
We opened up with Ashley H. aka the Dancing Dentist getting the first solo date card. Is it just me or is it a coincidence that Ashley H. resembles Hermey the Dentist Elf from Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer?? I keep waiting for her to burst into song “Why am I such a misfit? I am not just a nitwit. You can't fire me, I quit. Seems I don't fit in...” Anyway, her and Brad flit around the carnival and after the obligatory shots of cuteness, they sit down and share their stories of deadbeat dads and bond. She gets a rose and they make out.
Back at the ranch, we learn there will be a 15 girl date and the claws come out! I don’t know if you guys caught this during the episode, but it was Michelle’s birthday. Her 30th birthday. And she wanted it to be special. It was her birthday. She turned 30. She just wanted to feel special. It was her birthday. That day was her birthday. It was her 30th birthday. The day they shot the PSA’s was her birthday. Sheesh. I’ve been around 5 year olds who didn’t talk about their birthday that much! The drama of the day unfolded with the ladies whining over the parts they had to play (although in Keltie’s defense, that get-up was awful! But I feel like she could have caught Brad’s eye if she took it in stride and laughed about it.) After convincing us she came to the show straight from a life spent at a nunnery, Britt shocked everyone by confusing the American Red Cross with the American Porn Association. Honest mistake.
Since it was Michelle’s birthday (not sure if you guys caught that) she was unhappy that everyone was focused on Britt and since it was her birthday, even if it wasn’t her party, she decided she could cry if she wanted to. Filming came to a halt and Brad consoled her with his first of many declarations that we would have a drama free day. Good luck with that one Brad!
Madison – you frighten me. I can’t decide if I want you to stay and be outrageous or get off the show and quit giving me nightmares!
The day of the filming was Michelle’s birthday. To reward her for her psychosis – Brad gives her a rose and she pretty much became the enemy of every girl there when she started waving the rose around in their faces.
Jackie gets the next one-on-one date and while I like Jackie, something about her bothers me. Can’t put my finger on it. Anyway, she gets the princess treatment and Brad keeps telling her she deserves it. I guess I’m cynical because I kept wondering how does Brad know that she deserves to be treated like a princess when he doesn’t even know her last name. Whatevs! They have an amazing date and get to talking and she reveals that she has only dated 2 people, and was single during college. Brad freaks out and thinks she’s a commitment-phobe. Personally – I figured maybe she was just a slut during college, but she chose not to alert Brad if that was the case. Guess it was best she didn’t tell him that since she got a rose.
Later, during the cocktail party – since it was just her birthday and she figured out how easy it was to manipulate Brad, Michelle steals him away to ask him what his favorite place to get coffee is. Seriously. She’s a nut job who can’t handle not being the center of attention. I’m pretty sure that is obvious to everyone but Brad at this point.
Meanwhile – Raichel and Melissa are fighting. About something. That no one seems to understand. Thankfully everyone’s favorite couple Ali and Roberto stop by and in a surprising act of restraint - in that neither of them were dry-humping the other – interview all the ladies. Luckily, Raichel and Melissa are too stupid to keep their mouths shut and they feel the need to discuss their fight with everyone that will listen and they both get sent home that evening. Melissa – I’m no beauty queen, but someone needs to alert you to sunscreen and moisturizer because you aren’t aging so well sweetie. The phrase ‘rode hard and put up wet’ is all I can think when I look at you.
Emily (who I can’t look at without thinking that Dolly Parton and Tammy Wynette got together and did her hair and make-up) came out as the sweetheart of week 2. She got the last pre-ceremony rose.
Along with Raichel and Melissa, Keltie took her two-toned hair and high-kicked it back to Radio City Music Hall.
Can't wait to see what Week 3 brings!!
Krysta
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