So, first things first. ABC screwed us up. Well, I guess they didn't know to plan around me, but they should have. They have an extra week in the schedule. Don't worry, I've come up with a solution. So, all of us picked 6 people for last week. Ali picked 7 guys last week. This week she picked 5. So, we're all using the same pool of six people for last week and this week. I really enjoyed changing the spreadsheet around. I probably need to get a life.
Last night began ominously. I mean, when Chris Harrison is at your door, it's never a good thing. Ali had her heart broken (well, she didn't seem sad as much as mad) by one of the guys' girlfriends! (Shocking, I know.) Apparently, one of the guys this season only came onto the show to promote his career. Guesses? Anyone? Not the retail mananger. Not the landscaper. Wait for big surprise number 2, it's the wrestler. I am shocked and appalled that he was not there for reasons of the heart. And apparently he's dating Lacey Chabert. Did anyone else notice the resemblance that she had towards little Claudia Salinger? And Ali referenced later that she was bawling her eyes out - was she having a conversation with the same girl that we saw? The one who let her boyfriend sell her out to go on tv and then who she, in turn, sold out by saving his voicemails and giving them to ABC? This is a fantastic couple - gives screwing each other a new meaning. Regardless, Rated R tried as hard as he could to leave the hotel, but he apparently got caught in a labyrinth. Seriously. There was not an exit. He went through shrubbery, up fountains, tried to get in doors (waiter stopped him) before he finally gave up and came back to Ali. As Chris L said, who does that? I wonder if ABC had Turkish police barricading the place. Big Bad wrestler even had to tell Ali not to touch him. Yeah, I'm sure she was going to put the smack down on you. Either way, Justin's gone. And his famous last words to the other guys - F You. Straight up. Now that's a class act. Moral of the story? If you're trying to dupe a national television show, don't leave voicemails saying so.
Craig R - he broke my heart last night. I know some of you thought he was sappy, but I thought he was sweet. And hilarious. When Justin got called out, Craig's two cents were that it's a long way from Turkey to Canada and he hopes he has to swim with a broken leg. And Craig had some of his funniest moments at the olive oil wrestling match. That's right - Olive Oil Wrestling. I wonder if Swinging Richards knows about this? I'm sure all the guys were glad that the wrestler went home before they wrestled. Anyway, Craig was highly motivated to win the wrestling competition to get some one on one time with Ali. Even though he's used to fighting with words. Well, our boy Craig won. I was so happy for him I clapped. Yup, clapped. In the living room. With other people. Only one clapping. Moving on. Craig and Ali had some good one on one time, but she wasn't trying to jump him like she does to Roberto. However, there was a very serious moment over dinner when Craig asked Ali what she thought about him changing his career. And pursuing Turkish Olive Oil wrestling. See, he's funny!?!?!? Not funny enough to stay - Ali sent him packing. Sorry, Craig!
Kirk - Kirk was pretty dull this week. No comments, no weird "I'm dying" stories. I kind of wish he was going home. As Melisa Cook pointed out, he does look like he could be Vienna's brother though. I think that is quite interesting and totally on the money. I'm over Kirk. Ready for him to peace out.
Ty - Oh, Ty. Perhaps where you're from people wear black dress socks with athletic shorts, but not on national television. Best to invest in the Hanes 6 pack and save yourself some grief. On his one on one with Ali, he strutted down the street in his elf pointed cowboy boots with his piece of flair tied around his neck. Disappointingly, he also appeared to forget to rub in the sunscreen he put on before going into the Turkish bath. The sun is quite powerful through all those tiny holes in the ceiling. But, topping the black socks and sunscreen was his tartan skirt. He shuffled with Ali in his plaid skirt (can't believe there was more plaid) until they got to their spot. Probably once there he realized that he would have a hard time explaining this outfit to the cowboy dudes back home. But amazingly, none of these things made him look the dumbest last night. Nope, he did that when he told Ali he divorced his wife because she wanted to work and he wanted her to stay home. Now, I get that he might not have watched Jake's season. But, I'm willing to bet they all googled Ali once they found out she was the Bachelorette. And hopefully found out that she left the show last season for her job. her JOB. I can't believe she didn't kick him off then and there. I still don't think he recovered from that foot in mouth. (and if his ears are any indication of foot size, that's a mouthful)
Chris L. - nothing too great last night. He's still handsome. Still my favorite. Still funny to me. What did you do in Turkey? I took my shirt off and wrestled with Turkish men. I'm a little nervous that Chris L wasn't in any of the previews last night, but I'm not losing faith yet. I think ABC has a trick up their sleeve. Like everyone goes to Tahiti or something. He just has to be in the final two and win. He just has to!
Roberto - (as Krysta said) "and now playing the part of Frank......." Roberto is getting a little crazy. Little psycho. Starting to have Frank disease that he forgets Ali is dating other men. You're still really hot, but you're not adding anything in the personality department. It's a good thing I like dark hair and dark complexions - I still like you. For now.
Frank - While he may be getting creepy, he was pretty funny last night. With the pistachio aphrodisiac (pistachio ice cream, pistachio fudge, pistachio chocolate) - "is there anything with pistachio in it?" And the rug. I love him. Said the rug salesman was like a bad used car salesman. Unlucky for him, I'm not buying a rug today. There's no way I'm buying a carpet right now. It's just not happening. Cut to Ali and Frank walking out carrying a rug. For the rest of the night. Sucker. He said he had the girl of his dreams on his arms. And a Turkish rug on the other shoulder. Does life get better?
Last night concluded, as usual, with the rose ceremony. However, I'm pretty sure the camera guys filmed Ali looking at the photos after she rejected Craig. Because poor Craig's picture was barely on the table!
So, Jackie is still in the lead, and Melisa Cook is in 2nd. I think eventually I really am going to take a cut of the pool just to feel compensated because I SUCK at picking this.
Can't wait for next week!
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Week 5 - Iceland Intrigue
Greetings from Maine! Yes, I'm on vacation this week, taking a break from my full-time job.
But, I'm definitely still on the clock for my part time job as pool commissioner. You didn't think I'd let you down, did you? So, I'll stop looking at the ocean, rocking in the rocking chair and drinking my tea to send you people a recap. However, I'm not sure there's much to recap. Last night's episode was kind of a snoozer. Now, I'm not sure if it really was that boring or it just seems that way relative to last week's over the topness.
To make sure we felt the warmth and gooeyness of the bachelorette while in chilly Iceland, Chris Harrison had everyone write a love poem to Ali. And, he challenged them to throw in an Icelandic word if possible. How about Bjork?
Now, the best part of this project was that we got to hear Chris N. speak. For the first time. In 5 weeks of the show! He has a very normal voice, good pace and no weird accents. Had he spoken sooner, he would have been above Ty and Kasey for sure on this note. Although, for many people, he already was a frontrunner ahead of them. Disappointingly, when he went to recite his poem to Ali, he froze. Literally. No words were coming out of his mouth. Perhaps if he had spoken more frequently up until this point he would have remembered how. Open mouth, let air out and move lips. That's it! The tip Ali gave Kasey (just be normal) should have also been given to Chris N. apparently. One of my favorites was when Ali asked him to tell her something she didn't know about him, and he said an ex-girlfriend would say he's funny. So, she asked for a funny story. He said "I like Mexican food." Can't hold a conversation, can't get a rose. See ya!
Even Frank saw Chris' future for him. After the horrible poetry reading experience, he predicted that Chris N and Ali might do brunch once a year to catch up. Right on the money, Frank. So, Frank's still getting a little frustrated accepting Ali is dating other guys, and he was trying to find out how to say I love you in Icelandic. Thankfully, he didn't. Pretty sure the first time you tell a girl you love her shouldn't be in front of the 8 guys you're competing with for her affection and Chris Harrison. Frank's insecurity definitely came out on the miniature horse riding trip. He kept hanging back and commenting that Ty should be tying lassos or something. Ali told him that she didn't like how he kept hanging back in the group setting, so he finally manned up and pulled her aside for one on one time later. Frank is making a comeback for sure. He'll be around for awhile.
Kirk - he and Frank were the only ones who learned from the Lion King experience to walk up to Ali during the challenges and connect with her. So, he got the one on one date! I'm sure he was psyched thinking about what they would do. Past one on one dates included tightrope walking, hanging out at the Hollywood sign, private concerts on NY rooftops.......the possibilities are endless. What did he and Ali do? Shop for sweaters. Seriously. Matching sweaters. Poor Kirk. However, they were in practically matching flannel shirts before they got on their exactly matching wool sweaters. Too many flannel shirt sightings to count this week. Apparently, flannel is back. In a big way. I can't count anymore. And, the poor sap thought it would be good to wear his sweater to the rose ceremony to be sentimental for Ali. I hope Ali appreciated it, because this viewer in the US did not.
Ty was great during the horseback riding, but he wasn't very funny or weird last night. Nothing to add here.
Kasey - oh my dear, Kasey. I think we may need to introduce you to Michelle from last season. You are someone who lives in your own little delusional world, but at least you're happy. So, Kasey thought Iceland would be a great place to show Ali the tattoo. "If I have one on one time, I'll be able to see her heart, and she'll be able to see mine." ON YOUR WRIST!!!! Well, after Kermit disease took over during the poetry reading, he lost his chance for the one on one date. Even though he thought he had a chance. Here are some of the things Kasey said last night: "I'm Kasey, I'm a dreamer, I'm a believer. I love to love. I love to give. I love to share." If I'm not here for love, I don't know what I'm here for." "I got this tattoo to be someone.......to be a man.....to be a man for Ali." Well, when Ali saw the tattoo, it did not go well. She looked scared sh*&less. Very thankful that there were cameramen around. Now, I will say that leaving Kasey on the iceberg did seem just a tad harsh. Oh, I'm sorry - on an iceberg with an erupting volcano. I don't like him either, but I would have at least left him where he could arrange his own transportation home. Or walk. Or not get burned by lava.
Craig R - may have done the funniest thing of the season last night. Not when he spoke in Icelandic during the poem and then fessed up the next line that he totally made this up. Not when he said he loves group dates because he's getting really good at them. Not the image of him riding on the dog horse that had his feet a foot off the ground. All he needed was a magic marker, a little bit of acting and some creativity. When he sat down with Ali, looked lovingly into her eyes and said, "I have something I need to show you." Then he slowly rolled up his sleeve to reveal a magic marker tattoo of a shield and a heart. Ali loved it! Kudos to you, Craig R. Well played.
Roberto - dude, just put him in the final two. He makes her so giddy! She admitted she wouldn't have come up to him in a bar because she thinks he's too hot. Nothing bad to say about Roberto, he's so normal. and so hot. And he talked about taking his clothes off. Now, granted, it was in the context of after seeing Ali in a bikini in the middle of the snow that he couldn't get his clothes off fast enough. Final two for sure.
Chris L - as much as I love Roberto, my favorite is still Chris L. He's hot, he's funny, he's normal - I love that being normal on this show puts you in first place. Now, horseback riding skills are not that important to me which is good because Chris fell off his horse and Ty had to come to his rescue. He was definitely a little jealous of Ty b/c he felt the need to say that Ty must have been born on a horse. However, I was definitely on his wavelength when he said "first horseback riding, then into a cave, what's next? Play with snakes?" He toughened up and went down into the cave first to have a little alone time with Ali - very smart. Then he gave her his gloves because they were warmer. So sweet. Then at the rose ceremony, he said he can't wait for her to meet his dad - don't worry, Chris L, she will. First on the hometown dates, then at the wedding. Team Chris L. all the way!!!!
Justin - get the f off the show. I hate you. You are a goober, I hate your soul patch, and I want you to go home. I don't know why he took off his cast in Iceland. Was it time? Is his foot healed? Was it all a sham? Some say yes, and up until now I said no, but now I'm not sure. Although, it probably made navigating the iceberg a little easier. Loved that he said when he was looking at the volcano, another volcano was brewing inside. DOUCHEBAG!!! And that he got two roses, one for Justin and one for Rated R. GO HOME!!!
I think Chris Harrison summed it up best. It's been quite a week, volcanoes, glaciers and matching sweaters. Good-bye Iceland!
So, the Bachelorette is trying to play mind games with us. For the first time I can remember, they went from 9 people to 7 people (not 6 people.) Let's hope it doesn't jack up our pool too much moving forward. Jackie is still holding onto first place with a strong lead. Sam has jumped into 2nd place, and Melisa Cook and Lucy are tied for 3rd. Nice job, ladies!
So, the Bachelor pad. I've been brainstorming, and I think I've got some ideas on how to kick it off. Don't worry, we'll be doing something fun, but I think it will be a little different. And the Bachelor Wii game - seriously gone too far. If you ever play it, please don't tell me. I'll judge you. :) Can't wait for next week!
But, I'm definitely still on the clock for my part time job as pool commissioner. You didn't think I'd let you down, did you? So, I'll stop looking at the ocean, rocking in the rocking chair and drinking my tea to send you people a recap. However, I'm not sure there's much to recap. Last night's episode was kind of a snoozer. Now, I'm not sure if it really was that boring or it just seems that way relative to last week's over the topness.
To make sure we felt the warmth and gooeyness of the bachelorette while in chilly Iceland, Chris Harrison had everyone write a love poem to Ali. And, he challenged them to throw in an Icelandic word if possible. How about Bjork?
Now, the best part of this project was that we got to hear Chris N. speak. For the first time. In 5 weeks of the show! He has a very normal voice, good pace and no weird accents. Had he spoken sooner, he would have been above Ty and Kasey for sure on this note. Although, for many people, he already was a frontrunner ahead of them. Disappointingly, when he went to recite his poem to Ali, he froze. Literally. No words were coming out of his mouth. Perhaps if he had spoken more frequently up until this point he would have remembered how. Open mouth, let air out and move lips. That's it! The tip Ali gave Kasey (just be normal) should have also been given to Chris N. apparently. One of my favorites was when Ali asked him to tell her something she didn't know about him, and he said an ex-girlfriend would say he's funny. So, she asked for a funny story. He said "I like Mexican food." Can't hold a conversation, can't get a rose. See ya!
Even Frank saw Chris' future for him. After the horrible poetry reading experience, he predicted that Chris N and Ali might do brunch once a year to catch up. Right on the money, Frank. So, Frank's still getting a little frustrated accepting Ali is dating other guys, and he was trying to find out how to say I love you in Icelandic. Thankfully, he didn't. Pretty sure the first time you tell a girl you love her shouldn't be in front of the 8 guys you're competing with for her affection and Chris Harrison. Frank's insecurity definitely came out on the miniature horse riding trip. He kept hanging back and commenting that Ty should be tying lassos or something. Ali told him that she didn't like how he kept hanging back in the group setting, so he finally manned up and pulled her aside for one on one time later. Frank is making a comeback for sure. He'll be around for awhile.
Kirk - he and Frank were the only ones who learned from the Lion King experience to walk up to Ali during the challenges and connect with her. So, he got the one on one date! I'm sure he was psyched thinking about what they would do. Past one on one dates included tightrope walking, hanging out at the Hollywood sign, private concerts on NY rooftops.......the possibilities are endless. What did he and Ali do? Shop for sweaters. Seriously. Matching sweaters. Poor Kirk. However, they were in practically matching flannel shirts before they got on their exactly matching wool sweaters. Too many flannel shirt sightings to count this week. Apparently, flannel is back. In a big way. I can't count anymore. And, the poor sap thought it would be good to wear his sweater to the rose ceremony to be sentimental for Ali. I hope Ali appreciated it, because this viewer in the US did not.
Ty was great during the horseback riding, but he wasn't very funny or weird last night. Nothing to add here.
Kasey - oh my dear, Kasey. I think we may need to introduce you to Michelle from last season. You are someone who lives in your own little delusional world, but at least you're happy. So, Kasey thought Iceland would be a great place to show Ali the tattoo. "If I have one on one time, I'll be able to see her heart, and she'll be able to see mine." ON YOUR WRIST!!!! Well, after Kermit disease took over during the poetry reading, he lost his chance for the one on one date. Even though he thought he had a chance. Here are some of the things Kasey said last night: "I'm Kasey, I'm a dreamer, I'm a believer. I love to love. I love to give. I love to share." If I'm not here for love, I don't know what I'm here for." "I got this tattoo to be someone.......to be a man.....to be a man for Ali." Well, when Ali saw the tattoo, it did not go well. She looked scared sh*&less. Very thankful that there were cameramen around. Now, I will say that leaving Kasey on the iceberg did seem just a tad harsh. Oh, I'm sorry - on an iceberg with an erupting volcano. I don't like him either, but I would have at least left him where he could arrange his own transportation home. Or walk. Or not get burned by lava.
Craig R - may have done the funniest thing of the season last night. Not when he spoke in Icelandic during the poem and then fessed up the next line that he totally made this up. Not when he said he loves group dates because he's getting really good at them. Not the image of him riding on the dog horse that had his feet a foot off the ground. All he needed was a magic marker, a little bit of acting and some creativity. When he sat down with Ali, looked lovingly into her eyes and said, "I have something I need to show you." Then he slowly rolled up his sleeve to reveal a magic marker tattoo of a shield and a heart. Ali loved it! Kudos to you, Craig R. Well played.
Roberto - dude, just put him in the final two. He makes her so giddy! She admitted she wouldn't have come up to him in a bar because she thinks he's too hot. Nothing bad to say about Roberto, he's so normal. and so hot. And he talked about taking his clothes off. Now, granted, it was in the context of after seeing Ali in a bikini in the middle of the snow that he couldn't get his clothes off fast enough. Final two for sure.
Chris L - as much as I love Roberto, my favorite is still Chris L. He's hot, he's funny, he's normal - I love that being normal on this show puts you in first place. Now, horseback riding skills are not that important to me which is good because Chris fell off his horse and Ty had to come to his rescue. He was definitely a little jealous of Ty b/c he felt the need to say that Ty must have been born on a horse. However, I was definitely on his wavelength when he said "first horseback riding, then into a cave, what's next? Play with snakes?" He toughened up and went down into the cave first to have a little alone time with Ali - very smart. Then he gave her his gloves because they were warmer. So sweet. Then at the rose ceremony, he said he can't wait for her to meet his dad - don't worry, Chris L, she will. First on the hometown dates, then at the wedding. Team Chris L. all the way!!!!
Justin - get the f off the show. I hate you. You are a goober, I hate your soul patch, and I want you to go home. I don't know why he took off his cast in Iceland. Was it time? Is his foot healed? Was it all a sham? Some say yes, and up until now I said no, but now I'm not sure. Although, it probably made navigating the iceberg a little easier. Loved that he said when he was looking at the volcano, another volcano was brewing inside. DOUCHEBAG!!! And that he got two roses, one for Justin and one for Rated R. GO HOME!!!
I think Chris Harrison summed it up best. It's been quite a week, volcanoes, glaciers and matching sweaters. Good-bye Iceland!
So, the Bachelorette is trying to play mind games with us. For the first time I can remember, they went from 9 people to 7 people (not 6 people.) Let's hope it doesn't jack up our pool too much moving forward. Jackie is still holding onto first place with a strong lead. Sam has jumped into 2nd place, and Melisa Cook and Lucy are tied for 3rd. Nice job, ladies!
So, the Bachelor pad. I've been brainstorming, and I think I've got some ideas on how to kick it off. Don't worry, we'll be doing something fun, but I think it will be a little different. And the Bachelor Wii game - seriously gone too far. If you ever play it, please don't tell me. I'll judge you. :) Can't wait for next week!
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Week 4 - A Musical of Love
So, I'm not sure if you guys were as confused as me. I swear I was watching the Bachelorette, but it kind of felt like watching an episode of Glee must (haven't done it yet, but I feel like it's accurate.) We had singing, dancing and high school maturity. We had some one on one time with Ali and the camera last night for InStyle. What the F was that? However, it did give us flannel shirt sighting number 4 on the hairdresser. Soon followed by flannel shirt number 5 on Kasey and 6 on Frank. Moving on.......
Chris N. - Okay, I'm done being funny. Seriously, who is this guy? I can honestly say I don't even know what his voice sounds like. Maybe that's his strategy. Don't act like a tool (which most of the guys are), and you'll make it to the end!
Kasey - I hate to start with him, but I have to. I take notes when I watch the show (it's a lot of pressure to try to be funny for you ladies the next day.) Everytime I make a comment on a guy, I go to a new column in excel. I got to column S with Kasey. COLUMN S!!!! Quote of the evening (and there were a lot to choose from) - "It's just my heart. Jump in. Stay awhile." Closely followed by "I'm here to guard and protect your heart." Kermit Kasey has got to relax. As Chris L. aptly pointed out, there are a lot of singing boys on the show. Kasey should NOT have been one of them. I was so impressed by Ali's ability to keep somewhat of a straight face while he sang the first song. Yes, first. because there were two. Why were there two? Kasey tells us. "It just kind of came to me. Because that's what you do. Inspire me." Shockingly, Ali kept him around. However, she gave him coaching. Pretty much to chill out. And I don't know about you guys, but nothing says chilling out like getting a tattoo for the person asking you to chill out. More quotes, I know, but they're so good. "I wear my emotions in my heart and literally on my sleeve." I couldn't have said it better. Luckily for Kasey, Frank was still here. Because the only reason Kasey is making it to next week is because Frank interrupted the tat unveiling. Next week Ali has put it best - "the only thing Kasey has to do is be normal." Best of luck, Kasey.......best of luck. For all those who want to spread the inspiration, please find the lyrics for Kasey's songs below.
Chris L. - I couldn't love him more. Not only was he a trooper about Ali being sick - he brought flowers and chicken noodle soup! He was so sweet and patient with her, and she rewarded him with a rooftop serenade and a dance. And a first kiss that rivaled her and Roberto's - NYC at night, live music and a gospel choir. Maybe the gospel choir could have gone. Chris L. is also the best at summarizing the guys. While Kasey thinks of Ali with doves and rainbows and her running towards him in a meadow, Chris L doesn't see her that way. Not unicorn love. Team Chris L all the way.
Frank - Frank is still seeming to have trouble recognizing that he's on a show with other guys dating the same girl. Perhaps he suffers from short term memory loss. Because each week he laments about watching her with other guys.......same situation as last week! and as before you signed up for the show! He did have some cute one on one time with Ali in the rain, but then again he also brought a sick girl out into a cold rainstorm. He's definitely sane in some capacity, though, because he sees Kasey. "I'm going to guard and protect your heart. He got a tattoo. That doesn't prove anything except you're crazy. You're going to be the tattooed bachelorette guy for the rest of your life."
Jonathan - Jonathan, Jonathan, Jonathan. You're very lucky Kasey is so deeply disturbed because otherwise you would be the craziest. In the beginning of the Lion King date, he said the forecast looks good. However, the winds must have changed because "the forecast is for sunny skies and out of the blue, this storm crapped in my face." Now, he was talking about Roberto. But, I thought there was the chance he was nervous about the spandex again. Because he doesn't have a big.....ya know. He equated the Lion King experience to having a beehive of knives in your face. what? Jonathan tried to make up for his lack of one on one time by interrupting Craig R. and Ali. Not only was it awkward, it was unsuccessful. I think this is the first time in the history of the show that someone tried to break up a conversation and lost. Good girl Ali, don't let crazy Jonathan win. Even the soundtrack thinks Jonathan is crazy. Everytime he's on the screen, crazy music plays. I promise. But, I think he put the final nail in his coffin with the song. Another guy with a guitar - right on, Chris L. And another guy who doesn't have the gift of tone. Ironically, Jonathan thought this would be his saving grace, "Now that I've sang a song, I'd be surprised if I didn't get a rose. Looks like the skies are clearing." Wrong. Better quit your day job.
Jesse - This shocked me. He did a great job dancing the reverse running man and thrusting, clearly had the best voice of all of them and didn't do anything douchebaggish. But, Ali send him home. I'm not a huge Jesse fan, but the fact that he doesn't suck should have kept him around longer that for sure Kasey. Sorry, Jesse.
Roberto - My loyalty is with Chris L., but I got chills when the director picked Roberto. When he sang the song to Ali (with his not so hot voice) the paper in his hands was literally shaking. It was so sweet and vulnerable. Plus, it takes a strong man to rock a neon colored tarzan wrap, and he pulled it off. Plus, since MLB didn't pan out, maybe meteorology is his thing. He's more accurate than Jonathan - "forecast for the weatherman once again, you've got a high pressures system moving in and you've got to step it up." Can't wait to see more of Roberto. And his bare chest.
Kirk - Watching Roberto and Ali, he kept clearing his throat and shifting in his seat. I'm sorry, Kirk....is this uncomfortable for you watch? Maybe he put his head in her cleavage (actually a little bit lower) when they were up with the wires, but at least he and Ali weren't so intense that they cleared the room! Who was that again? Oh yeah, YOU! And while his 'let me walk you to your room' line was a total player thing, it worked. And he nailed that "all we need is one more guy in the house with a guitar." I do like Kirk.....but not if he sings.
Justin - Ahhhh, crazy number 3. Honest Abe over here kept calling Kasey a fibber. So glad you're not a hypocrite Mr. I'd Never Walk to Ali's House. I'm just over Justin. He's a liar, he's immature, and he's a pro wrestler. I can't wait for him to get kicked off. Okay, for the third week in a row, Jackei is leading the group. This is uncanny and very reminiscent of last season.
Jackie, you may not be able to join the next one if you win your second in a row because it's just not as fun for the rest of us! I know I'm only jealous of your picking skills, but this is incredible!
Krysta, Krista and Sam are in 2nd and 3rd place with only a point separating them. Good luck, ladies!
Song 1
When I was flying in the helicopter over this amazing city,
I looked to my left and never saw something so pretty.
(Ali's nervous laughter)
At the end of tonight, I'm not just your average joe,
but I hope, in my hindsight, I'll see and find a rose. (seagull calling)
Song 2
On the night that I first saw you I was stepping through black glass,
and I knew at that first moment that you and I would last.
On the beach in california you made me start to believe,
and now in New York City and it's just you and me.
And tonight you've got a rose and I don't want to feel its thorns,
and if you choose me, Ali, I'll forever be your's.
Quality stuff, Kasey.
Quality.
Chris N. - Okay, I'm done being funny. Seriously, who is this guy? I can honestly say I don't even know what his voice sounds like. Maybe that's his strategy. Don't act like a tool (which most of the guys are), and you'll make it to the end!
Kasey - I hate to start with him, but I have to. I take notes when I watch the show (it's a lot of pressure to try to be funny for you ladies the next day.) Everytime I make a comment on a guy, I go to a new column in excel. I got to column S with Kasey. COLUMN S!!!! Quote of the evening (and there were a lot to choose from) - "It's just my heart. Jump in. Stay awhile." Closely followed by "I'm here to guard and protect your heart." Kermit Kasey has got to relax. As Chris L. aptly pointed out, there are a lot of singing boys on the show. Kasey should NOT have been one of them. I was so impressed by Ali's ability to keep somewhat of a straight face while he sang the first song. Yes, first. because there were two. Why were there two? Kasey tells us. "It just kind of came to me. Because that's what you do. Inspire me." Shockingly, Ali kept him around. However, she gave him coaching. Pretty much to chill out. And I don't know about you guys, but nothing says chilling out like getting a tattoo for the person asking you to chill out. More quotes, I know, but they're so good. "I wear my emotions in my heart and literally on my sleeve." I couldn't have said it better. Luckily for Kasey, Frank was still here. Because the only reason Kasey is making it to next week is because Frank interrupted the tat unveiling. Next week Ali has put it best - "the only thing Kasey has to do is be normal." Best of luck, Kasey.......best of luck. For all those who want to spread the inspiration, please find the lyrics for Kasey's songs below.
Chris L. - I couldn't love him more. Not only was he a trooper about Ali being sick - he brought flowers and chicken noodle soup! He was so sweet and patient with her, and she rewarded him with a rooftop serenade and a dance. And a first kiss that rivaled her and Roberto's - NYC at night, live music and a gospel choir. Maybe the gospel choir could have gone. Chris L. is also the best at summarizing the guys. While Kasey thinks of Ali with doves and rainbows and her running towards him in a meadow, Chris L doesn't see her that way. Not unicorn love. Team Chris L all the way.
Frank - Frank is still seeming to have trouble recognizing that he's on a show with other guys dating the same girl. Perhaps he suffers from short term memory loss. Because each week he laments about watching her with other guys.......same situation as last week! and as before you signed up for the show! He did have some cute one on one time with Ali in the rain, but then again he also brought a sick girl out into a cold rainstorm. He's definitely sane in some capacity, though, because he sees Kasey. "I'm going to guard and protect your heart. He got a tattoo. That doesn't prove anything except you're crazy. You're going to be the tattooed bachelorette guy for the rest of your life."
Jonathan - Jonathan, Jonathan, Jonathan. You're very lucky Kasey is so deeply disturbed because otherwise you would be the craziest. In the beginning of the Lion King date, he said the forecast looks good. However, the winds must have changed because "the forecast is for sunny skies and out of the blue, this storm crapped in my face." Now, he was talking about Roberto. But, I thought there was the chance he was nervous about the spandex again. Because he doesn't have a big.....ya know. He equated the Lion King experience to having a beehive of knives in your face. what? Jonathan tried to make up for his lack of one on one time by interrupting Craig R. and Ali. Not only was it awkward, it was unsuccessful. I think this is the first time in the history of the show that someone tried to break up a conversation and lost. Good girl Ali, don't let crazy Jonathan win. Even the soundtrack thinks Jonathan is crazy. Everytime he's on the screen, crazy music plays. I promise. But, I think he put the final nail in his coffin with the song. Another guy with a guitar - right on, Chris L. And another guy who doesn't have the gift of tone. Ironically, Jonathan thought this would be his saving grace, "Now that I've sang a song, I'd be surprised if I didn't get a rose. Looks like the skies are clearing." Wrong. Better quit your day job.
Jesse - This shocked me. He did a great job dancing the reverse running man and thrusting, clearly had the best voice of all of them and didn't do anything douchebaggish. But, Ali send him home. I'm not a huge Jesse fan, but the fact that he doesn't suck should have kept him around longer that for sure Kasey. Sorry, Jesse.
Roberto - My loyalty is with Chris L., but I got chills when the director picked Roberto. When he sang the song to Ali (with his not so hot voice) the paper in his hands was literally shaking. It was so sweet and vulnerable. Plus, it takes a strong man to rock a neon colored tarzan wrap, and he pulled it off. Plus, since MLB didn't pan out, maybe meteorology is his thing. He's more accurate than Jonathan - "forecast for the weatherman once again, you've got a high pressures system moving in and you've got to step it up." Can't wait to see more of Roberto. And his bare chest.
Kirk - Watching Roberto and Ali, he kept clearing his throat and shifting in his seat. I'm sorry, Kirk....is this uncomfortable for you watch? Maybe he put his head in her cleavage (actually a little bit lower) when they were up with the wires, but at least he and Ali weren't so intense that they cleared the room! Who was that again? Oh yeah, YOU! And while his 'let me walk you to your room' line was a total player thing, it worked. And he nailed that "all we need is one more guy in the house with a guitar." I do like Kirk.....but not if he sings.
Justin - Ahhhh, crazy number 3. Honest Abe over here kept calling Kasey a fibber. So glad you're not a hypocrite Mr. I'd Never Walk to Ali's House. I'm just over Justin. He's a liar, he's immature, and he's a pro wrestler. I can't wait for him to get kicked off. Okay, for the third week in a row, Jackei is leading the group. This is uncanny and very reminiscent of last season.
Jackie, you may not be able to join the next one if you win your second in a row because it's just not as fun for the rest of us! I know I'm only jealous of your picking skills, but this is incredible!
Krysta, Krista and Sam are in 2nd and 3rd place with only a point separating them. Good luck, ladies!
Song 1
When I was flying in the helicopter over this amazing city,
I looked to my left and never saw something so pretty.
(Ali's nervous laughter)
At the end of tonight, I'm not just your average joe,
but I hope, in my hindsight, I'll see and find a rose. (seagull calling)
Song 2
On the night that I first saw you I was stepping through black glass,
and I knew at that first moment that you and I would last.
On the beach in california you made me start to believe,
and now in New York City and it's just you and me.
And tonight you've got a rose and I don't want to feel its thorns,
and if you choose me, Ali, I'll forever be your's.
Quality stuff, Kasey.
Quality.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Week 3 - humping, crying and mice?!?!?!
Okay, I have the theme for next year's Bachelor. Recovering alcoholic. I would love to see a bachelor/bachelorette that isn't allowed to drink. And how does Ali not get drunk? I'd be wasted if I drank as much coors light as she did!
Comments on some guys........
Hunter, John C. and Steve are gone. I liked Steve. I thought he was going to be my dark horse (had him going until round five.) Can the pool commissioner take a little off the top so that I can feel compensated somehow? Lord knows I'm not going to win. Making a picnic in the front of the house to bring the date to her? I thought he had it. Maybe it was because he couldn't open the bottle of champagne. And let's be clear.....sometimes popping the cork out is hard. But that's not what Steve-O struggled with. He couldn't unwind the metal wire that contained the cork. And he put on chapstick like a girl.
Hunter - don't even have a comment. He's too blah. He peaked too early on the first episode with his funny toupee and hot sauce dance song.
John C. - who the freak is he anyway? Peace!
Roberto - okay, date 1 with Roberto is our first flannel shirt sighting of the season. Based on previews, there is more to come. :) Ali told him the only way to get dinner was to walk across the wires. No offense, but I would have waited for breakfast. Although I did have someone at a shoe store tell me I had perfect balance once. Anyway, Roberto is adorable, and Ali is totally enamored by him. I especially liked her transition after dinner. "I don't like sitting at a table. I like dry humping on a blanket." I may have paraphrased the second part. Just a tease for her session with Kirk. I think Roberto's hanging on for awhile. Especially with a first kiss a few hundred feet in the air. Very cheesy, but very sweet.
Kasey - flannel shirt sighting number 2. Did I miss the early 90s coming back? Is Ali going to be in a baby doll dress next week? Carly pointed this out to me last week, and I have to agree. Kasey sounds like Kermit. Maybe they'll have a karaoke night, and he can belt out "It's not easy being green." Or creepy. Can't wait to see why he slits his wrists next week! Is that inappropriate of me? Sorry.
Frank - getting a little crazy possessive. She's going to talk to other guys. She's going to kiss other guys. She's going to dry hump other guys in front of you......wait, sorry, wait for Kirk's comments. Buck up, son.
Chris L. - if Ali doesn't pick him, I'm moving to Boston to find him. I was laughing out loud at him and John C. (first time I remember seeing him on camera) with the mouse. He dove across the room, a chair fell on him, trying to get to that little mouse. Guess that's what you do when you don't have cable in your house. And he placed 2nd in the flip cup championship in Vegas?!?!?!? And he has a tee-shirt that has a periodic table of the elements?!?!?!? I thought only my friend Curtis had that. I adore him. Winner. Calling it.
Kirk - what do you think Kirk's porno name would be? Maybe a Native American porno name? Rolls Around in Sheets With Girl And Audience Of Twenty? I felt awkward, and I was sitting at home alone. She really likes him, but I think he's only okay. Maybe he'll grow on me.
Ty - weirdest accent ever. Felt kind of bad for the guy. He was dogging on Justin at the end with a crowd of about 8 guys looking at him. And no one could drop a hint that Justin was hobbling up behind? No one? Good for him for confronting him (after Justin overheard) and calling him out. Ty gained a few points with me last night, but I'm still ready for him to hit the road.
Justin - speaking of hitting the road........seriously? I love that for him, Chris Harrison and Confucius rank up there with wisdom. Confucius say....... Chris Harrison say, you have to use every moment you've got. So if you've got 3 miles of pavement and a pair of crutches, get to hobbling! Not only do I hate that he took time away from the most boring one on one date ever (sorry Hunter), then he kept mentioning to other guys (unprovoked) that he would never go to Ali's house? He's like the person on facebook that does a status update that says 'I'm sad.' Too bad, I'm not biting. I'm not going to ask you why. Either tell me or.......actually, get off facebook and talk to a human if you're sad! I will say that I am shocked that not one car stopped to help him. I mean, I'm a little scared of strangers, too, but if I saw someone on the side of the road with crutches, I might at least call the police and ask them to help him. PS - if Kasey thinks you're creepy, you're in trouble.
Jonathan - gotta save the best for last. Not shocking, but he cried this week. The shocking part is that he cried about having to kiss the girl that he thinks will be his future wife. Hmmmmmmm. I liked Chris L's advice - "pretend like it's a weather forecast that you have to make out with a girl." Laughing out loud now thinking about it. And then, once Ali finally kisses him, because otherwise all we would have seen was neck snuggling, he starts crying. Because the boys are laughing. Now, normally I don't like anyone laughing at anyone. Except here. I also loved that when Ali comforted him (AGAIN) with a hug, he itched her back instead of rubbing it. Hmmmmm. I give Jonathan until next week - she just feels sorry for him. Although, this is an interesting tactic, cry like a baby and make the Bachelorette feel like a B*&$%# if she sends you home. I actually think I know husbands that do that.
Alright, and now for the standings. Jackie is holding strong in first place with another strong week. Jackie, I'm glad you gave girl scout's honor that you didn't research, because that means I'm allowed to be IMPRESSED by your picking skills. Nice work!
I'm holding down the fort at the tied for 20. It's where I really wanted to be anyway.
Can't wait for our trip around the world next week!
Comments on some guys........
Hunter, John C. and Steve are gone. I liked Steve. I thought he was going to be my dark horse (had him going until round five.) Can the pool commissioner take a little off the top so that I can feel compensated somehow? Lord knows I'm not going to win. Making a picnic in the front of the house to bring the date to her? I thought he had it. Maybe it was because he couldn't open the bottle of champagne. And let's be clear.....sometimes popping the cork out is hard. But that's not what Steve-O struggled with. He couldn't unwind the metal wire that contained the cork. And he put on chapstick like a girl.
Hunter - don't even have a comment. He's too blah. He peaked too early on the first episode with his funny toupee and hot sauce dance song.
John C. - who the freak is he anyway? Peace!
Roberto - okay, date 1 with Roberto is our first flannel shirt sighting of the season. Based on previews, there is more to come. :) Ali told him the only way to get dinner was to walk across the wires. No offense, but I would have waited for breakfast. Although I did have someone at a shoe store tell me I had perfect balance once. Anyway, Roberto is adorable, and Ali is totally enamored by him. I especially liked her transition after dinner. "I don't like sitting at a table. I like dry humping on a blanket." I may have paraphrased the second part. Just a tease for her session with Kirk. I think Roberto's hanging on for awhile. Especially with a first kiss a few hundred feet in the air. Very cheesy, but very sweet.
Kasey - flannel shirt sighting number 2. Did I miss the early 90s coming back? Is Ali going to be in a baby doll dress next week? Carly pointed this out to me last week, and I have to agree. Kasey sounds like Kermit. Maybe they'll have a karaoke night, and he can belt out "It's not easy being green." Or creepy. Can't wait to see why he slits his wrists next week! Is that inappropriate of me? Sorry.
Frank - getting a little crazy possessive. She's going to talk to other guys. She's going to kiss other guys. She's going to dry hump other guys in front of you......wait, sorry, wait for Kirk's comments. Buck up, son.
Chris L. - if Ali doesn't pick him, I'm moving to Boston to find him. I was laughing out loud at him and John C. (first time I remember seeing him on camera) with the mouse. He dove across the room, a chair fell on him, trying to get to that little mouse. Guess that's what you do when you don't have cable in your house. And he placed 2nd in the flip cup championship in Vegas?!?!?!? And he has a tee-shirt that has a periodic table of the elements?!?!?!? I thought only my friend Curtis had that. I adore him. Winner. Calling it.
Kirk - what do you think Kirk's porno name would be? Maybe a Native American porno name? Rolls Around in Sheets With Girl And Audience Of Twenty? I felt awkward, and I was sitting at home alone. She really likes him, but I think he's only okay. Maybe he'll grow on me.
Ty - weirdest accent ever. Felt kind of bad for the guy. He was dogging on Justin at the end with a crowd of about 8 guys looking at him. And no one could drop a hint that Justin was hobbling up behind? No one? Good for him for confronting him (after Justin overheard) and calling him out. Ty gained a few points with me last night, but I'm still ready for him to hit the road.
Justin - speaking of hitting the road........seriously? I love that for him, Chris Harrison and Confucius rank up there with wisdom. Confucius say....... Chris Harrison say, you have to use every moment you've got. So if you've got 3 miles of pavement and a pair of crutches, get to hobbling! Not only do I hate that he took time away from the most boring one on one date ever (sorry Hunter), then he kept mentioning to other guys (unprovoked) that he would never go to Ali's house? He's like the person on facebook that does a status update that says 'I'm sad.' Too bad, I'm not biting. I'm not going to ask you why. Either tell me or.......actually, get off facebook and talk to a human if you're sad! I will say that I am shocked that not one car stopped to help him. I mean, I'm a little scared of strangers, too, but if I saw someone on the side of the road with crutches, I might at least call the police and ask them to help him. PS - if Kasey thinks you're creepy, you're in trouble.
Jonathan - gotta save the best for last. Not shocking, but he cried this week. The shocking part is that he cried about having to kiss the girl that he thinks will be his future wife. Hmmmmmmm. I liked Chris L's advice - "pretend like it's a weather forecast that you have to make out with a girl." Laughing out loud now thinking about it. And then, once Ali finally kisses him, because otherwise all we would have seen was neck snuggling, he starts crying. Because the boys are laughing. Now, normally I don't like anyone laughing at anyone. Except here. I also loved that when Ali comforted him (AGAIN) with a hug, he itched her back instead of rubbing it. Hmmmmm. I give Jonathan until next week - she just feels sorry for him. Although, this is an interesting tactic, cry like a baby and make the Bachelorette feel like a B*&$%# if she sends you home. I actually think I know husbands that do that.
Alright, and now for the standings. Jackie is holding strong in first place with another strong week. Jackie, I'm glad you gave girl scout's honor that you didn't research, because that means I'm allowed to be IMPRESSED by your picking skills. Nice work!
I'm holding down the fort at the tied for 20. It's where I really wanted to be anyway.
Can't wait for our trip around the world next week!
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Week 2 - My oh my....
Okay, ladies, I am impressed. We have 24 women participating in the pool for the Bachelorette which makes the first place price $192!!! That's awesome! Second place will be $36, and we'll give the last place person $12 to drown her sorrows in a glass of wine. Or two.
First off, I am so relieved that we are continuing the jumping into a guys arms and spinning around in the air. I would have hated to see us leave that with Bachelor Jake only.
So, last night........
Craig R - my biggest regret of my pool is that I have him getting kicked off after next week. I really liked him last night. Okay, I only liked him a little, but I want to listen to his one liners. "What is it about the Bachelorette and guitar players?" "Rated R? Rated 'I don't believe a word you say'."
Frank - so, at about 8:30, I loved Frank. He was adorable on their one on one date, he's funny, he's cute - great. But, by 9;30, I was freaked out. Can you really be that jealous so soon? Reminds me of someone else.....who is it? who is it? Oh yeah, V I E N N A!!!!!! But, what do I know because Vienna and Jake are twirling around the dance floor on ABC. Although, Frank did handle the incident of "the staffers forgot to fill the car up with gas before letting them drive to the Hollywood sign" really well. Taxi cab van? Great!
Justin - I want to feel sorry for him, and I did for a little bit last night when Ali made him hop down the stairs and across the beach for a 30 second announcement and then back up again. Not cool, Ali. But, I still think he's kind of a tool. And previews for next week booking it down the highway on crutches to Ali's private residence? We may have our first TPO (temporary restraining order) issued on The Bachelor. That really will make for the most dramatic season ever!
Chris L. - adorable. I love him. I kind of don't want Ali to pick him so I can go get him. I know we haven't seen a lot of him, but the way he just hung back when the guys got into it........love him. Stay strong and away from the drama queens.
Roberto - I gotta say, the kid is HOT! And the fact that he played MLB - even hotter! (we'll ignore the fact that he didn't make it for long) Plus, Ali acted like a giddy school girl talking to him. She couldn't help blushing the whole time they were on the bench! He'll be around for awhile.
Jesse - very handsome. until he opens his mouth. The kid is pretty much dullsville. Ali looked like she was working an event trying to get him to engage in a one on one conversation in Vegas. Please don't keep him around for too long. I might slit my wrists one of these Monday nights if you do.
Craig M. - I bet you thought I was saving him for last, but I'm not. Craig is just a jerk. Honestly - big fat bully, and I'm so glad he's not on the show. I don't even want to be funny about him. Okay, just one. Speedo, scotch and a cigar? Way to go out like a champ.
Jonathan - I've never seen someone look like he was more terrified. He looked like a cat that wandered into the Tyrannosaurus Rex pit at the zoo. Although, he is a brown belt in karate and if you come at him, he's going to put his hand in your face and do that. Do what? I'm laughing out loud right now thinking about how Steve had to build up Jonathan's confidence with the speedo. He was worried about how his legs looked and that he didn't have that big of a.........you know. This makes this twice in one week that we've spoken about male genitalia. It's not me - just the material. And Jonathan had a spiritual moment on the show last night. He proclaimed that if Craig M. got a rose, he would know there was no god. Dramatic much? And slow down on the 20 ounce cranberry juices, Jonathan. Don't want to get crazy up in here.
Alright - lucky for us, Jonathan is sticking around for next week. But, we did say good-bye to Craig M., Chris H. and Tyler V. Yup, I only knew who Craig was, too.
Here are the standings! Jackie's luck is working from last season as she is out to an early lead. However, there is a 13 way tie for second place, so don't get too comfortable. :)
Cheers to another good week next week! PS - I found out that we go down to 11 guys in next week's rose ceremony, not 12. So, we're just all lucky that we were able to pick 12!
First off, I am so relieved that we are continuing the jumping into a guys arms and spinning around in the air. I would have hated to see us leave that with Bachelor Jake only.
So, last night........
Craig R - my biggest regret of my pool is that I have him getting kicked off after next week. I really liked him last night. Okay, I only liked him a little, but I want to listen to his one liners. "What is it about the Bachelorette and guitar players?" "Rated R? Rated 'I don't believe a word you say'."
Frank - so, at about 8:30, I loved Frank. He was adorable on their one on one date, he's funny, he's cute - great. But, by 9;30, I was freaked out. Can you really be that jealous so soon? Reminds me of someone else.....who is it? who is it? Oh yeah, V I E N N A!!!!!! But, what do I know because Vienna and Jake are twirling around the dance floor on ABC. Although, Frank did handle the incident of "the staffers forgot to fill the car up with gas before letting them drive to the Hollywood sign" really well. Taxi cab van? Great!
Justin - I want to feel sorry for him, and I did for a little bit last night when Ali made him hop down the stairs and across the beach for a 30 second announcement and then back up again. Not cool, Ali. But, I still think he's kind of a tool. And previews for next week booking it down the highway on crutches to Ali's private residence? We may have our first TPO (temporary restraining order) issued on The Bachelor. That really will make for the most dramatic season ever!
Chris L. - adorable. I love him. I kind of don't want Ali to pick him so I can go get him. I know we haven't seen a lot of him, but the way he just hung back when the guys got into it........love him. Stay strong and away from the drama queens.
Roberto - I gotta say, the kid is HOT! And the fact that he played MLB - even hotter! (we'll ignore the fact that he didn't make it for long) Plus, Ali acted like a giddy school girl talking to him. She couldn't help blushing the whole time they were on the bench! He'll be around for awhile.
Jesse - very handsome. until he opens his mouth. The kid is pretty much dullsville. Ali looked like she was working an event trying to get him to engage in a one on one conversation in Vegas. Please don't keep him around for too long. I might slit my wrists one of these Monday nights if you do.
Craig M. - I bet you thought I was saving him for last, but I'm not. Craig is just a jerk. Honestly - big fat bully, and I'm so glad he's not on the show. I don't even want to be funny about him. Okay, just one. Speedo, scotch and a cigar? Way to go out like a champ.
Jonathan - I've never seen someone look like he was more terrified. He looked like a cat that wandered into the Tyrannosaurus Rex pit at the zoo. Although, he is a brown belt in karate and if you come at him, he's going to put his hand in your face and do that. Do what? I'm laughing out loud right now thinking about how Steve had to build up Jonathan's confidence with the speedo. He was worried about how his legs looked and that he didn't have that big of a.........you know. This makes this twice in one week that we've spoken about male genitalia. It's not me - just the material. And Jonathan had a spiritual moment on the show last night. He proclaimed that if Craig M. got a rose, he would know there was no god. Dramatic much? And slow down on the 20 ounce cranberry juices, Jonathan. Don't want to get crazy up in here.
Alright - lucky for us, Jonathan is sticking around for next week. But, we did say good-bye to Craig M., Chris H. and Tyler V. Yup, I only knew who Craig was, too.
Here are the standings! Jackie's luck is working from last season as she is out to an early lead. However, there is a 13 way tie for second place, so don't get too comfortable. :)
Cheers to another good week next week! PS - I found out that we go down to 11 guys in next week's rose ceremony, not 12. So, we're just all lucky that we were able to pick 12!
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