Bachelorette Week 10 - The Men Tell.....Not so Much

Who else thought last night was a bit of a snoozefest? Other than figuring out that I really do still like Craig R, I thought it was kind of boring. That being said, of course I have some comments. :)

Kasey - Chris Harrison hopes he doesn’t regret the tattoo. Um, I hope he does. Otherwise, I hope he doesn’t get a lot of third dates or he will start to resemble Jesse James’ mistress. And Ty respects Kasey for being looney tunes and staying looney tunes. Was that a compliment? But Kasey did have the line of the night: Chris Harrison - “Kasey, bottom line, was Jonathan trying to guard and protect her heart?” Kasey - “No, that was my job.”

Roberto - The shot of him nearly nailing Ali in the head with the champagne cork on the baseball field?!?!? That was hysterical. I actually laughed out loud at that.

Frank - His dad is awesome. Awesome. Actually, his whole family rules for keeping straight faces during that toast. I only felt a little bad for how awkward Ali felt and it totally didn’t compare to how hard I was laughing.

Chris N aka The Phantom - I was dying. All the shots of him coming out of the mist, disappearing during group time.....awesome. Then came the custom made shirt. Way to go Chris N. I literally heard more from him last night than I did in the whole season. And he was funny! Definitely not the same guy.....tanner, talking.....

Jonathan - The guys can’t stand him and think he’s such a pansy. However, he’s too busy brushing the dirt off his shoulder to notice. He did redeem himself a little with the voicemails at the end, so I won’t rag on him too bad. I’m anxious to see how lame he is on Bachelor Pad.

Then came the outtakes....
Ali shrieking with the mouse and literally leaping across the room
Craig R supposedly speaking Spanish only to Roberto......until Jonathan began speaking Spanish as well.
Chris L reverting back to high school - we’re in Turkey and there’s nothing to do except make Craig R wet his pants
Chris Harrison - Who the hell gave me a plastic wine glass?!?!?!?!

So next week, it’s all over. For those of you coming to my house, come early! I’m thinking everyone should get there 6:30/7:00ish so that we can talk and debrief before the show starts. If we learn from the past, we know we’re going to gab anyway, so let’s get it out before the show.

Bachelor Pad - dude I do not think we’ll be able to do a competition. Did anyone else see the previews? It looks like mayhem in a miniseries. Very reminiscent of Real World/Road Rules challenge.

One last time......GOOOOO TEAM CHRIS L.!!!

Bachelorette Madness Week 9 - Tahitian Betrayal

Tahiti may be one of the most beautiful places on earth, but it was ugly last night. Ugly cry, ugly. Poor Ali couldn't contain herself. Let's back it up.......

Roberto - Ali might have made one of the most superficial comments of the season last night. "Roberto is going to be hotter in Tahiti." I think she needs Jake to remind her why she's here. To find a husband. Lord knows he was on it to find a wife. I also think she was here to find a heart shaped lagoon, sit in 12 inches of water and make out with her hotter in Tahiti pseudo boyfriend Roberto. Not that I wouldn't have done the same. Then they both got all dolled up for dinner where Roberto continued to prove that while he is extremely attractive, he's not the best conversationalist. My mind kept jumping back to her dinner with Jesse - awkward. Although, he did tell her he loved her, and that was very cute. Then she told him she had something from Chris Harrison, and you know he only gives the good presents. Ali said she wanted to go to the fantasy suite with Roberto because she wanted to spend as much time with him as possible, but I think she just wanted to see him naked. Further evidenced by the fact that when she realized his clothes were wet she very seductively removed his shirt (and mic pack) and shut the blinds. I think they were probably getting ready for a nice quiet game of Scrabble.

Chris L. - It is taking all my might to sit here and type this right now rather than run to the airport, impersonate a pilot and hijack a plane to get to Cape Cod. Could he be any better? Seriously. Except for the shot of him and Ali in swim shoes. What was that all about? I guess prioritizing un-cut feet comes above dry clothing, because Lord knows there weren't any rowboats in Tahiti. The cool factor was definitely compensated for when they found pearls in the oysters. But, did anyone else feel like they were being wasteful? Just constantly cracking them open and dropping them? Those could have been good on the half shell. I would have thought more of two New Englanders. Fast forward to their laid back dinner which I thought was awesome. You're in Tahiti, so go ahead and be laid back. Besides, all your clothes are going to get ruined by the ocean when you walk to the room anyway. And I really enjoyed Chris L looking around for Chris Harrison when Ali said he got them something. And the fact that when she pronounced the island for him, he said, "I'm reading this." They're a totally normal couple. Damn it, she definitely picked him. I'm left with all the 5 foot 6 preppy boys in Atlanta. Chris and Ali seemed like they were settling down to do a nightcap puzzle when he pulled the blinds.

Frank - So, I found it coincidental that he realized during the packing for Tahiti process that feelings were brewing inside of him. You would have thought that he could have figured that out before he busted out the suitcase. And as much of a douchebag as he is for what he did, I did feel legitimately happy for him and Nicole. Although it took them about two weeks to get through a conversation that could have taken 5 minutes, they are definitely both in the same place, and I like that. I do not however like baby talk ('I missed your kisses.') Shut up. Frank says, I'm in love with this girl and she is in love with me, and we're going to live happily ever after. That's awesome - honestly. Bad news, though, you are on a national television show where 36 hours earlier you were professing your adoration for another girl. So, Frank heads to Tahiti to blindside Ali. Poor Ali really had no freaking idea walking in. She was talking about how much she missed Frank and how much she needed this date. I really think he could have been the winner. Then the dreaded four words - We. Need. To. Talk. God bless Ali and Frank and their dramatic pauses because their break up conversation rivaled his and Nicole's get back together conversation. However, this one nearly flooded the island. Not that I blame anyone for being upset, but poor Ali couldn't get a grip. I'm halfway surprised that a producer, oh, I'm sorry, staffer, didn't come in halfway through and fix the poor girl's make-up. the flower in her hair hit the deck within 15 seconds. She eventually said good-bye to Frank and sat in the sand where Chris Harrison came to comfort her. I really felt sorry for her and for him - terrible conversation. She told him she gave up everything to be here and he said he did too. Ali said it best, "Apparently not everything, Frank." Good luck with Nicole.

So, we set a new record on Bachelorette last night. LEAST dramatic rose ceremony ever. Two roses, two guys. Ali felt it was important for both of them to accept the rose. Have we seen anyone ever decline a rose? I can't remember seeing that. Also, ABC finally found the money for some boats so that the guys didn't have to wade through the water to the rose ceremony. Must have been bonus time at the network.

Next week, the guys tell all. I'm hoping they tell about Bachelor Pad! That show looks great.

As expected, Jackie is holding on to the lead, and Melisa C is in second. If she picks Chris L, Jackie has it in the bag. If she picks Roberto, we go to a tie-breaker between Jackie and Melisa C. For the dramatic effect, and for the fact that this means Chris L is temporarily single, I am now hoping Ali picks Roberto.

Happy Tuesday!

Week 8 - Hunky Hometown Dates (well, 3 out of 4 ain't bad)

Let's get the big one out of the way first. I'm pretty sure I saw Kirk's dad on America's Most Wanted.

Ali's got four really different people - hot latino Roberto, down home laid back Chris, ridiculously quirky Kirk and 'I cry like I'm a girl' Frank.

Roberto - She said she was a little nervous about meeting his parents because he is still a mystery to her. Yeah, I agree. I know you want to jump him (and you do most times) everytime you see him, but I'm not sure how his parents were going to receive their constant making out. Luckily, Ali got all of her jumping and kissing out of the way on the baseball field (Robert was H-O-T in the baseball uniform, even though she'd love him in a potato sack, too) so they had a nice dinner with his parents. I really liked his family - loved the dancing! He's from good people. :)

Chris L - okay, I officially don't want Ali to pick him. Because I want to go to Cape Cod and find him. I adore him. I adore that he had on a hoodie on the beach. I adore that his dog can only fetch and not drop the ball. I adore that he says his dog can do tricks, but she can't even sit. But most of all, I love his family. They were so sweet and genuine. His sister-in-laws seemed like they had been a part of the family forever. Plus, Chris' advice was that if Ali got them bombed, they'd love her. And even though Chris' whale sex line was funny, it wasn't my favorite part. I was crying throughout the whole date. Poor Chris is just jealous that his brothers got to introduce their wives (or future wife) to his mom, and he won't get to. Luckily Chris had his dad telling him that she is playing a part in all of this and is looking down. Plus, he doesn't want Ali to pick him. He wants her to fall for him. I'll fall for you, Chris. And even though Chris' dad told Ali she stole his roommate, I love him, too. To finish it all off, Chris and Ali got to make-out in the tower. I think it's great that he waited for them to connect as friends before they made out like teenagers. Good for you, Chris.

Frank - Totally normal and great family. I would love to spend time with them. So does Ali. If he wasn't going to break her heart next week, she could very likely be picking him in the end. She told his parents she only kept him around because she felt bad for him. His dad said, "Us, too." If only he didn't require the constant reassurance, I could really get onboard with Frank. Oh, and because he wears Simon Cowell scoop neck tee-shirts. I shouldn't have noticed how smooth your chest was last night, Frank.

Kirk - So, as they walk into his dad's house, the first thing I thought was holy goodness, that is a lot of CRAP! Plates on the mantel, on the curtains, hunting ducks on the couch, need I go on? Oh wait, I do need to. Because one of the first thing's Kirk's dad said to Ali was, "Would you like to go see my basement?" Crickets in the living room. His wife and Kirk look terrified. Ali, being the trooper she is, says sure. However, when he asked if she wanted to go first, she let him. Good move - because you're going to an animal morgue. It was incredibly awkward. My favorite was the caribou feet that he put eyes on. But,shockingly, none of this was the worst. The worst was the freezer of dead animal parts. Yes - dead animal parts. Like you find in the freezer section at a supermarket. Except these parts, no one wants to buy. So they're in Kirk's dad's basement. Even though he did get nicer and told Ali she seems like a great gal, I'm still thinking the most normal one in the family is the 6 year old sister. Kirk's mom, sister and grandmom were better. I really enjoyed Kirk's mom's Snooki hair poof. I did feel bad for Ali kicking Kirk off, but she did the right thing.

Alright, number 1 and 2 are the same (Jackie and Melisa.) The rest of us, just give up on it.

Week 7 - Playing around in Portugal

So, I think it's just me, but the episodes are getting more boring. I think that means that the people left are getting more normal. Like people who carry themselves in a way that you think someone would want to be with them for the rest of their life.

Due to the shortened episode because of the 45 minute train wreck that followed, I'm going to be brief.

Roberto - Ali feels like he is still a mystery, and, if I'm being honest, I do, too! What else do we know about him besides he likes making out, dancing and being really hot? And that once he was good at baseball? And certainly still way better than me at baseball, so I'll back off there. He's a beautiful Latino man who likes blonde girls and having bushy eyebrows.

Frank - Frankie got all ominous last night - "there's one thing I have to tell Ali.......................................and it's that I live at home with my parents." Normally, that is big information, but when you're competing with guys named Rated R, guys who get a tattoo at the drop of a hat and guys who prematurely, um, ya know, this is not that big of a bombshell. Especially in a recession. :) Lucky for him, Ali doesn't mind. I bet she would after awhile. After Frank and Ali stopped sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, things were pretty low key for Frank. Until he started freaking out that Chris L had an advantage having a date the day of the rose ceremony. Relax, Frank. Chill. Besides, you don't know this yet, but you're about to break her heart in Tahiti. I know. I saw the previews.

Ty - Our cowboy rode off into the sunset last night. I mean, thunderstorm. I can't believe they couldn't lend him an umbrella for the walk to the limo. Or one for Ali. Times are tough on set at the Bachelorette.

Chris L - Talk about a positive attitude. Chris kicked off his date saying as long as it doesn't involve oil wrestling, I'm good. Such a good guy. However, he didn't realize that he was going to be portrayed as grandma on a moped. Although, I do respect the "I don't want to be the guy that kills the Bachelorette" plan. Good strategy. I was getting a little nervous for my guy Chris last night when Ali talked about how slow they were progressing. But he rallied BIG TIME with the bracelet and waiting until last night to give it to her. Nice job, Chris L. You earned your time in the grass with Ali. Can't wait to meet your dad, either.

Kirk - I'm getting over him. Big time. Loved when he was walking in the castle and said he wasn't used to this. Hold. The. Phone. You aren't used to travelling around the world with a camera crew and having secluded tours of castles in Portugal? I did enjoy the fado music they listened to. Quite different from the music I've heard from the bar with the same name.

Jake and Vienna - dear god. I'm not justifying this relationship with more than a couple sentences. All I have to say is that I NEVER thought I'd be on Vienna's side. But I am. Jake seemed like he was lying last night. Go Team (oh goodness) Vienna.

Jackie is still in first and Melisa is nipping at her heels only 9 points behind. Hopefully we'll have to use that tie breaker!

Hope everyone had an awesome holiday weekend, and I will catch all of you next week!