Week 5 - Iceland Intrigue

Greetings from Maine! Yes, I'm on vacation this week, taking a break from my full-time job.

But, I'm definitely still on the clock for my part time job as pool commissioner. You didn't think I'd let you down, did you? So, I'll stop looking at the ocean, rocking in the rocking chair and drinking my tea to send you people a recap. However, I'm not sure there's much to recap. Last night's episode was kind of a snoozer. Now, I'm not sure if it really was that boring or it just seems that way relative to last week's over the topness.

To make sure we felt the warmth and gooeyness of the bachelorette while in chilly Iceland, Chris Harrison had everyone write a love poem to Ali. And, he challenged them to throw in an Icelandic word if possible. How about Bjork?

Now, the best part of this project was that we got to hear Chris N. speak. For the first time. In 5 weeks of the show! He has a very normal voice, good pace and no weird accents. Had he spoken sooner, he would have been above Ty and Kasey for sure on this note. Although, for many people, he already was a frontrunner ahead of them. Disappointingly, when he went to recite his poem to Ali, he froze. Literally. No words were coming out of his mouth. Perhaps if he had spoken more frequently up until this point he would have remembered how. Open mouth, let air out and move lips. That's it! The tip Ali gave Kasey (just be normal) should have also been given to Chris N. apparently. One of my favorites was when Ali asked him to tell her something she didn't know about him, and he said an ex-girlfriend would say he's funny. So, she asked for a funny story. He said "I like Mexican food." Can't hold a conversation, can't get a rose. See ya!

Even Frank saw Chris' future for him. After the horrible poetry reading experience, he predicted that Chris N and Ali might do brunch once a year to catch up. Right on the money, Frank. So, Frank's still getting a little frustrated accepting Ali is dating other guys, and he was trying to find out how to say I love you in Icelandic. Thankfully, he didn't. Pretty sure the first time you tell a girl you love her shouldn't be in front of the 8 guys you're competing with for her affection and Chris Harrison. Frank's insecurity definitely came out on the miniature horse riding trip. He kept hanging back and commenting that Ty should be tying lassos or something. Ali told him that she didn't like how he kept hanging back in the group setting, so he finally manned up and pulled her aside for one on one time later. Frank is making a comeback for sure. He'll be around for awhile.

Kirk - he and Frank were the only ones who learned from the Lion King experience to walk up to Ali during the challenges and connect with her. So, he got the one on one date! I'm sure he was psyched thinking about what they would do. Past one on one dates included tightrope walking, hanging out at the Hollywood sign, private concerts on NY rooftops.......the possibilities are endless. What did he and Ali do? Shop for sweaters. Seriously. Matching sweaters. Poor Kirk. However, they were in practically matching flannel shirts before they got on their exactly matching wool sweaters. Too many flannel shirt sightings to count this week. Apparently, flannel is back. In a big way. I can't count anymore. And, the poor sap thought it would be good to wear his sweater to the rose ceremony to be sentimental for Ali. I hope Ali appreciated it, because this viewer in the US did not.

Ty was great during the horseback riding, but he wasn't very funny or weird last night. Nothing to add here.

Kasey - oh my dear, Kasey. I think we may need to introduce you to Michelle from last season. You are someone who lives in your own little delusional world, but at least you're happy. So, Kasey thought Iceland would be a great place to show Ali the tattoo. "If I have one on one time, I'll be able to see her heart, and she'll be able to see mine." ON YOUR WRIST!!!! Well, after Kermit disease took over during the poetry reading, he lost his chance for the one on one date. Even though he thought he had a chance. Here are some of the things Kasey said last night: "I'm Kasey, I'm a dreamer, I'm a believer. I love to love. I love to give. I love to share." If I'm not here for love, I don't know what I'm here for." "I got this tattoo to be someone.......to be a man.....to be a man for Ali." Well, when Ali saw the tattoo, it did not go well. She looked scared sh*&less. Very thankful that there were cameramen around. Now, I will say that leaving Kasey on the iceberg did seem just a tad harsh. Oh, I'm sorry - on an iceberg with an erupting volcano. I don't like him either, but I would have at least left him where he could arrange his own transportation home. Or walk. Or not get burned by lava.

Craig R - may have done the funniest thing of the season last night. Not when he spoke in Icelandic during the poem and then fessed up the next line that he totally made this up. Not when he said he loves group dates because he's getting really good at them. Not the image of him riding on the dog horse that had his feet a foot off the ground. All he needed was a magic marker, a little bit of acting and some creativity. When he sat down with Ali, looked lovingly into her eyes and said, "I have something I need to show you." Then he slowly rolled up his sleeve to reveal a magic marker tattoo of a shield and a heart. Ali loved it! Kudos to you, Craig R. Well played.

Roberto - dude, just put him in the final two. He makes her so giddy! She admitted she wouldn't have come up to him in a bar because she thinks he's too hot. Nothing bad to say about Roberto, he's so normal. and so hot. And he talked about taking his clothes off. Now, granted, it was in the context of after seeing Ali in a bikini in the middle of the snow that he couldn't get his clothes off fast enough. Final two for sure.

Chris L - as much as I love Roberto, my favorite is still Chris L. He's hot, he's funny, he's normal - I love that being normal on this show puts you in first place. Now, horseback riding skills are not that important to me which is good because Chris fell off his horse and Ty had to come to his rescue. He was definitely a little jealous of Ty b/c he felt the need to say that Ty must have been born on a horse. However, I was definitely on his wavelength when he said "first horseback riding, then into a cave, what's next? Play with snakes?" He toughened up and went down into the cave first to have a little alone time with Ali - very smart. Then he gave her his gloves because they were warmer. So sweet. Then at the rose ceremony, he said he can't wait for her to meet his dad - don't worry, Chris L, she will. First on the hometown dates, then at the wedding. Team Chris L. all the way!!!!

Justin - get the f off the show. I hate you. You are a goober, I hate your soul patch, and I want you to go home. I don't know why he took off his cast in Iceland. Was it time? Is his foot healed? Was it all a sham? Some say yes, and up until now I said no, but now I'm not sure. Although, it probably made navigating the iceberg a little easier. Loved that he said when he was looking at the volcano, another volcano was brewing inside. DOUCHEBAG!!! And that he got two roses, one for Justin and one for Rated R. GO HOME!!!

I think Chris Harrison summed it up best. It's been quite a week, volcanoes, glaciers and matching sweaters. Good-bye Iceland!

So, the Bachelorette is trying to play mind games with us. For the first time I can remember, they went from 9 people to 7 people (not 6 people.) Let's hope it doesn't jack up our pool too much moving forward. Jackie is still holding onto first place with a strong lead. Sam has jumped into 2nd place, and Melisa Cook and Lucy are tied for 3rd. Nice job, ladies!

So, the Bachelor pad. I've been brainstorming, and I think I've got some ideas on how to kick it off. Don't worry, we'll be doing something fun, but I think it will be a little different. And the Bachelor Wii game - seriously gone too far. If you ever play it, please don't tell me. I'll judge you. :) Can't wait for next week!